


Feel I've Lost Myself Completely

by AssassinSoldier



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Kylo Ren Redemption, Multi, Mutual Pining, Pining, Star Wars AU, Suicide Attempt, righting wrongs in the sequel trilogy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-11
Updated: 2020-05-10
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:00:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 41,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23588806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AssassinSoldier/pseuds/AssassinSoldier
Summary: She looked at him, his warm brown eyes sparkled in the light from the planet’s suns. “What’s your name?” She asked, calmed by his presence.“I’m Ben. What’s yours?” He asked.She smiled shyly. “I’m Anara.” She said softly.(This is an AU in which I mess up some plot and right some wrongs to a lot of characters in the Star Wars universe)
Relationships: Ben Solo | Kylo Ren/Original Female Character(s), Eventual Ben Solo | Kylo Ren/Original Female Character/Poe Dameron, Poe Dameron/Original Female Character(s), eventual Finn/Rey - Relationship
Comments: 1
Kudos: 9





	1. I Let You Get To Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where it all begins. (The Prologue)

A six-year-old Ben Solo walked through the Jedi training grounds, exploring the terrain. It was too late for their training for the day and he was antsy sitting in his small cabin alone.

He walked past a small copse of trees, pausing when he heard a soft sound. “Hello?” He called, peaking around the largest tree.

His eyes landed on a girl the same age as he was, her knees hugged to her chest.

“Go away.” She said, sniffling.

He walked around to stand in front of her instead. “Why are you crying?” He asked.

She looked up at him, her light blue eyes meeting his dark brown ones. “I miss my mom and dad.” She told him, wiping at her face with the dirty sleeve of her shirt.

He sat next to her, feeling a pull to comfort this stranger. “I miss my mom and dad too.” He admitted quietly, looking out at the trees in front of them. “But we’re gonna be Jedi, we have to be strong and fearless. We’re not supposed to cry.” He told her soothingly.

“But I don’t want to be a Jedi.” She said, sniffling. “I just want to go home.”

He looked over at her. “This is our home now. We’ll be trained to be Jedi by the greatest Jedi ever.” He said passionately.

She looked at him, his warm brown eyes sparkled in the light from the planet’s suns. “What’s your name?” She asked, calmed by his presence.

“I’m Ben. What’s yours?” He asked.

She smiled shyly. “I’m Anara.” She said softly.

He smiled broader than her. “That’s a pretty name.” He told her. “Do you wanna be friends?” He asked her.

Her shy smile turned into a grin. She had never had a friend before. She had her brother and a few other kids in her small farming community on her planet, but they weren’t really friends. They didn’t want much to do with her when she would read their thoughts.

“I’d like that, Ben.” She told him.

He stood and held his hand out to help her up. “Great!” He exclaimed, pulling her to her feet. “We can be the best Jedi knights ever together! We’ll be even better than Master Skywalker!” He said with a passion that was so unlike anyone she had ever met.

She nodded, her long brown hair falling in her face at the motion. “The best Jedi ever.” She agreed.

He smiled at her and started back towards the cabins where the younglings were set up. “I won’t let anything happen to you.” He told her, their hands still firmly in one another’s.

She looked surprised, “You promise?” She asked.

He nodded. “I won’t let anything ever happen to my friends.”

She blushed and stopped to hug him. “Thank you, Ben.” She said quietly.

He hugged her back. “Welcome, Anara.”

A shadow fell over them, causing them to look up at the source.

“Master Skywalker.” Ben said, letting go of her.

He looked at the two of them curiously. “You two should be in bed.” He told them kindly.

They both nodded and bowed their head to him. “Yes, master.” They both responded.

He waited until they both walked away separately. He knew that he’d have to watch his nephew, but this girl that he was hugging would have to be watched also.

* * *

“I hope I get blue.” The now sixteen-year-old Ben said as they sat on the transport ship that was taking the apprentices to planet Ilum.

Anara chuckled a little at her companion. “Are you sure you wouldn’t rather green? Since you’re Master’s pet and all.” She taunted.

He turned to look at her, his eyes growing intense. “You’re just mad because he likes me better.” He said simply.

Ben knew that she would rise to the bait. Master Skywalker didn’t show favoritism, but it still rattled her when he mentioned it since Ben was far more superior in his training than any of the others.

She bristled a little. “He doesn’t like you better, you just have to be a show-off all the time.” She said with a touch of bitterness. “We can’t all be naturals like you, Solo.” She said, folding her arms over her chest and turning away from him.

He smirked and held his hand out towards her, keeping the motion hidden from the rest of the ship’s occupants. “Come on, Ana. You know that you’re just as good as I am.” He said quietly.

She snorted a little in disbelief of his statement but let her hands fall, one of them slowly sliding into his awaiting one. She sighed a little at the calming effect that the innocent contact had on her.

They never had much time together, their Master pretty strict on how much time his apprentices could spend together, particularly the two of them for a reason that eluded the both of them. They still found time to speak to one another, whether it be in passing on the way to or from lessons, or even so far as sneaking into each other’s cabins while the rest of the temple slept just so that they could be together.

Their favorite thing to do was touch. Innocent things like stand next to one another in formation or hold hands while they sat in meditative silence together in the dark of night. It was calming for the both of them, a tactile sensation that seemed to equilibrate the Force between them.

He sighed a little, able to feel the lack of ire coming from her and leaned back in his seat. He let his head rest against the wall and closed his eyes, holding her hand firmly, linking their fingers.

She glanced over and smiled a little, feeling the peace surrounding them, a soft humming in the Force that she was sure the others were able to feel too. “I hope that mine is gold.” She admitted to him.

He hummed to let her know that he had heard her, his eyes still closed. “Why is that?” He asked after a few minutes.

She looked down at their entwined fingers, squeezing his hand gently. There was something more between them, everyone at the Temple could see it. She took a breath and turned her head to look at him. _“It’s the color of your eyes in the light.”_ She said telepathically, blushing a little.

His eyes opened suddenly, and he turned his head to meet her eyes. A slow smile spread across his face and he let her hand go to put her arm around her shoulders instead. _“Why do you think I want mine to be blue?”_ He asked, chuckling at her soft gasp.

“Ben, I want you to take over flying for a while.” Master Skywalker said almost immediately after their silent conversation.

He looked at his master and moved his arm from her quickly. “Yes, master.” He said, unbuckling himself and heading to the cockpit to take over.

Anara immediately missed the warmth of Ben at her side. She looked down at her hands.

Luke walked out a moment later, looking at Anara. “Anara, follow me.” He said, heading towards the rear of the ship.

She stood and followed him, wondering why he’d want to speak to her now. She could feel the barest hint of anxiety behind her. _“Don’t worry Ben, I’ll be fine.”_ She said to him.

Luke guided them into a room moments after that, turning to her. “I expect my apprentices to heed my commands.” He started, looking at her. “I know that you and Ben have been sneaking into each other’s cabins at night and I want it to end now.” He said simply.

She looked startled. She wasn’t surprised that he had found out about their rule breaking, but it still hurt. “Master, we aren’t doing anything wrong.” She said back.

“What is the code?” He asked her.

She looked at him. “There is no emotion, there is peace. There is no ignorance, there is knowledge. There is no passion, there is serenity. There is no chaos, there is harmony. There is no death, there is the Force.” She recited.

He waited until she finished the mantra. “There is no emotion, there is no ignorance, there is no passion.” He told her. “Remember that, and you will no longer spend time with Ben.” He said.

She took a deep breath, nodding. “Yes, master.” She said softly, willing her emotions back down.

“Good.” He said not unkindly. “Now go and take over for him and send him here so that I may have a word with him too.”

She nodded again. “Yes, master.” She said, leaving the room. She felt a sting in her eyes and wiped at them as she walked to the cockpit.

“Master Skywalker would like to see you.” She said to Ben.

He stood, reaching out to touch her, feeling the sadness from her.

She backed away and met his eyes. “Don’t…” She said softly. “Just… He wants to see you.” She said, taking over for him.

He set his jaw and left the cockpit.

She wiped a tear from her eye and focused on the flight.

* * *

When Ben exited the room from the meeting with Luke, the entire ship could feel the poorly veiled anger coming from him.

He sat in his original seat, fuming silently at the strict order not to interact with Anara again. There were so few apprentices at the Temple, it was going to be difficult to not interact with her.

He blocked off his thoughts from his mentor and thought hard on how he could obey his master’s order and still spend time with her.

It was simple really; they’d just have to outmatch the rest of their fellow apprentices until they were the only ones able to train on the same level. It wouldn’t be difficult for them since the training was almost second nature and Anara’s competitiveness made her more than capable of take him on.

He smiled internally, knowing that their master wouldn’t be able to truly keep them apart if they wanted.

The command still didn’t stop Anara’s crystal to end up gold and Ben’s end up blue like they had wanted; their constant reminders of one another.

* * *

Despite Ben’s best laid plans to have the two of them train, Luke purposely kept them separate. The better they got as Jedi, the further apart they were being kept.

He would often send Ben with other apprentices off world to expand their training, and Anara with Hennix, Tai, and Voe to the other side of the galaxy for their training.

This often left the two of them in poor moods, where Anara was often sad but determined to become a great Jedi, Ben would be angry and had a tendency to lash out at his fellow apprentices.

They would both quickly regain themselves and apologize, but the toll of their master’s command could easily be seen by their companions.

The few rare moments that they would be able to be at the Temple together, they would meet at the tree where they had met as younglings, standing apart as to not go against the command.

One such day had Anara drawn to the tree, having just arrived back at the Temple. She walked there, weary and very much wanting to get into the refresher and then sleep for a week.

Ben was leaned against the tree, his hair was longer than the last time she remembered seeing him. He looked up as she approached, smiling at her. “You look like Chaos.” He said.

She gave him a glare. “Some of us actually have to work when we train.” She snipped. There was no heat behind her look or her words. “Did you call me here?” She asked him, stopping just inside the tree line so that no one could see them.

He pushed himself off of the tree, walking towards her. “I did.” He said.

She took a step back as he advanced. “Ben, we can’t.” She warned. “If Master Skywalker finds out…”

He shrugged. “I’ve been learning some things while I was gone. He’s not going to find out.” He said, stopping when he was only about a foot from her, reaching out to take her hand.

The tension Anara didn’t know she was holding seemed to leave her at the contact. She sighed and leaned toward him.

Ben’s eyes drifted shut at the immediate peace he felt at the innocuous touch. If only their master could see that they would be stronger together than apart. If only they could make him see it.

His eyes opened as he felt a weight on his chest, looking down to see Anara resting her head against his chest.

“I’ve missed you, Ben.” She admitted, putting her free hand around him.

He did the same, holding her tightly. “I’ve missed you too, Ana.” He said, leaning down to gently press is lips to hers.

She took a breath in, her eyes closing as she let his hand go to put her arms around his neck, kissing him back.

They pulled away slowly, looking into each other’s eyes and letting the silence say everything that they weren’t able to say.

* * *

Ben Solo, now twenty, walked quietly back into his cabin, his clothes dirty from the very sandy planet that he had been sent to.

He had only just arrived back after settling a trade dispute, something so beneath the Jedi but it was what Master Skywalker had asked him to do.

He toed off his boots and pulled his shirt over his head, letting it fall to the floor in a cloud of the orange dust that covered him.

He turned and sat on the bed, heaving a weary sigh and resting his forehead on his hands, sitting there a moment before he went to clean the dust off of him and go to bed.

Anara slipped into the tent silently, her heart aching as she saw how exhausted he looked. She had felt the moment that he returned to the Temple and couldn’t wait for their stolen moments at their tree to see him.

“I take it that the trade negotiations went well.” She said teasingly.

He let out a huff of a laugh and extended a hand out to her, not lifting his head from his other hand.

She smiled softly and continued forward, setting her hand in his outstretched one. She let out a yelp in surprise as he pulled her to him, wrapping his arms around her waist and resting his head against her.

“It would have gone more smoothly if you had been the one handling it.” He said, holding her firmly to him. “You are the better diplomat.” He added.

She smiled, ignoring the orange dust that was staining her clothes. “Well clearly I am, but Master Skywalker gave you the task for a reason.” She told him, running her fingers through his dirt-covered hair.

He hummed as an answer. “To get me away from the Temple so I wouldn’t be able to see you.” He said.

She chuckled and pressed a kiss to the top of his head, largely ignoring the grit. “I missed you too, Ben.” She said softly.

He sighed and finally looked up at her. “Once we’re done with our training we won’t have to hide anymore. We can be together.” He said, capturing her lips in a kiss.

She sighed and let her hands fall to his shoulders, kissing him until they had to part for breath. “It won’t be much longer.” She assured him, carding her fingers into his hair again.

He groaned a little at the touch. “Lay with me.” He said, meeting her eyes. “Just for a little while.” He added, his eyes pleading with her.

She was powerless against the earnest way that he looked at her, like any denial of what he wanted would crush him. “Just for a little while.” She said.

He pulled her onto the bed, letting her settle before wrapping himself around her. He sighed again, already half asleep. “Just a few minutes.” He said.

She chuckled and played with his hair as she waited for him to fall asleep.

“Love you.” He whispered as sleep finally took him under.

Her eyes widened a little at the soft admission. “I love you too, Ben.” She said, kissing his lips gently before closing her eyes and letting sleep claim her.

* * *

She woke up in the early morning, the sky still dark, to the feel of lips on her neck. It took her a moment to recall where she was and who the lips belonged to. “Ben.” She said, moaning slightly as he kissed a sensitive spot on her neck.

“Shh.” He said soothingly, moving his lips to hers, giving her a very different and heated kiss.

She gasped. “Ben, what are you doing?” She asked him.

He paused to meet her eyes in the dim light of the lantern. “Giving in.” He told her. “If you want me to stop, tell me.” He said seriously.

She stared into his honey-colored eyes. “No… I don’t want you to stop.” She said softly.

He smiled and leaned in for another heated kiss.

* * *

Anara dozed, the large body behind her was warm against her back. He shifted, bringing his lips to her shoulder to place gentle kisses against her bare skin. She smiled softly and put her hand over his on her stomach. “You need to go to sleep.” She commanded quietly, keeping her eyes closed and her voice soft. “You just got back, and I’ll have to go back to my own cabin soon.” She said.

He chuckled and kissed up her neck, settling his lips against her ear. “I am.” He whispered, promising her and settling in. “So should you.” He added and pulled her closer against his chest.

She turned in his arms to face him and settled in. “I’ll only stay for a few minutes, Ben. We’ve already done more things against the Jedi code tonight than we ever should have.” She whispered, running her fingers across his bare chest in an abstract pattern until she heard the tell-tale sounds of her lover drifting off into sleep.

She gently ran her fingertips back across his chest, up his long neck and to his jaw. She took a breath and slowly opened her eyes to gaze upon the man that had just made love to her.

She watched him sleep, noting his raven hair resting across the arm he had pillowed under his head, his kiss-swollen lips parted ever so slightly in slumber. She couldn’t believe that this breathtaking man had chosen to love her.

She trailed her fingers back down his chest, marveling how his body obscured her view of the doorway, effectively hiding her—shielding her—from the outside and any threat that may come. They had never laid like this together before.

They had never laid together ever before.

Anara couldn’t say that she minded the comforting warmth of the man curled around her. She had known for a long time, deep down, that this was an inevitability, that they would end up disobeying their master.

Luke trying to keep the two apart was as futile as trying to have the Force exist without Chaos. It just couldn’t be done.

She leaned up and pressed the softest kiss to his lips before resting her head against his chest, being lulled to sleep by the soft rhythm of his heartbeat.

* * *

The familiar buzz and sharp ozone smell pulled the apprentices from their dreams.

Anara lifted her head over Ben’s shoulder to see their master standing over them. “Master—” She said in shock as Ben turned to see the sight before them.

His instinct was to protect her, calling his saber to him and igniting it. “Master, don’t do this.” He said in fear before swinging the saber towards the Jedi.

“Ben, no!” She screamed in anguish as the cabin fell around them, burying her under flaming rubble.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Work Title from Together Burning Bright by The Used
> 
> Chapter Title from Thought Criminal by The Used
> 
> Playlist for this story can be found here:
> 
> https://music.apple.com/us/playlist/star-wars/pl.u-11zBX83H8NWJGj


	2. I Come Alive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just some more character building. I'm sorry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: suicide attempt by starvation

“Get her to the med bay!” She heard someone shout; the voice sounded like it came from down a long hallway.

“General, her wounds are extensive, I don’t know if we have—” She heard a male voice say equally as faint.

“You’re going to do everything that you can to save her.” A stern female voice said to the previous person.

“Yes ma’am.” They responded and then she heard mechanical buzzing noises followed by a beeping from a droid.

Her eyes shot open and she let out a loud scream of pain when something was pressed to her right side. “No! Stop!” She screamed, fighting the immense pain.

“Shh, Anara.” She heard a familiar voice in her ear, the pain dulling when a hand was placed gently on her forehead.

“Someone get her into stasis now!” The female voice from before shouted at them.

She opened her eyes and turned her head in time to see her master standing next to her, controlling her pain so that they could sedate her. “Master.” She said as the blackness pulled her under.

* * *

Anara awoke disoriented in an unfamiliar room. She reached up to touch the glass enclosure over her, watching the readouts crossing it turn red and flash. She stared at it curiously since she had never seen anything like it before.

Several people crowded around the enclosure, looking down at her and talking amongst themselves.

She watched them until an older female walked up and looked down at her.

“Let her out.” She said, stepping aside to let the medics through. They made sure that Anara would be alright outside of the chamber and finally disengaged the lid, letting it slide away.

She sat up, looking around the room. “Where am I?” She asked, looking down at the large, pink starburst pattern that ran down the right side of her body and across her stomach, almost to the left side. That must have been the cause of her pain from before; the burns from the support beams that had fallen on top of her. “Where’s Ben?” She added.

The medics all paused and looked nervously at the older woman.

“You’re on D’Qar.” She said. “I’m General Leia Organa.” She told her. “You were brought here because of your injuries.”

Anara listened; her eyes glued to the unmarked skin on her right forearm in the shape of a perfect handprint. “My injuries…” She realized that the chamber she had been in must’ve been a med chamber of some kind. She had never needed one before so she couldn’t say for sure. “Is Ben in one too?” She asked, turning to the woman. “And… Master Luke… Where is he?” She asked nervously.

“You had extensive burns and broken bones. Your right lung was punctured multiple times by your ribs and most of your liver was destroyed. Your right humerus bone had to be replaced entirely. We were able to repair and replace everything and give you a skin graft on the worst of the burns.” The medic told her by way of explanation.

She listened to him. She had been that badly hurt? If that was what she sustained, what happened to the others? “What happened to Ben and Master Skywalker?” She pressed them.

“Luke has gone missing.” She told her simply. “We haven’t been able to locate him in weeks.” She explained.

Anara’s heart sank a little. “And Ben? Where is Ben Solo? He… He was in the building too when it collapsed. Is he in one of these things too?” She asked, gesturing to the chamber she was still sitting in. “I can’t feel him, is he here?” She asked.

The General looked at her. “We weren’t able to find him.” She said, the first sign that she was upset showed in her eyes. “I’m sorry.”

“No…” She felt the anger and tears well in her eyes. “No!” She screamed, vaguely aware of the sounds of objects breaking and bodies hitting the walls. “No, he can’t—” She said, dissolving into tears.

The General put her hand on Anara’s left shoulder, squeezing it gently. “I’m so sorry.”

Anara hid her face in her hands, sobbing. He had died protecting her. “It’s my fault.” She repeated over and over.

* * *

She assumed that they were taking care of her so that she could join them once she recovered. Her Jedi training was probably a valuable resource in the war.What they didn’t know is that she had refused to have anything to do with the Force after that. Not when it had been used to take everything from her. Once they had determined that she was well enough to leave the med bay, the General had returned her lightsaber to her.

Anara was sitting on the cot in the room they had given her, looking at the offensive piece of metal on the table across from her. Her saber… If she had brought it with her then she would have been able to stop her master… She could have helped; she could have saved him. She called it to her and activated it, briefly thinking about shoving it through her heart and getting the whole mess over with.

Instead she deactivated it and held it tightly in her hand. It had shone gold… the color of his eyes when the light hit them… Her reminder of her failure. She crouched beside the cot and pulled the footlocker out from under it, shoving the saber into it and kicking it back underneath. She vowed at that moment to never have anything to do with the Force ever again. She would never look at that saber again.

She took a deep breath and clenched her fists. If they wanted her aid in this fight, they would rely on her natural skills, not the ones she had been taught at the Temple.

Her resolve melted away quickly and she slumped back onto the bed. Ben wouldn’t have liked that though. He was always so proud to be able to wield the Force. It was almost a betrayal to his memory to cut herself off from it. “I can’t…” She said aloud to no one. “I can’t do it… I’m not as strong as you.” She said, starting to cry again.

She laid down on her left side on the cot, her hand coming up to cover the intact handprint on her arm. Her only reminder of him. ‘They shouldn’t have saved me.’ She thought to herself. ‘They should have left me to die. At least he wouldn’t have died alone.’ She sniffled and curled into herself more.

She just wanted to lay in the cot until the Force decided to take her.

And that’s what she did.

There was someone who always left rations at her door during mealtimes, but she never ate them, content to let herself waste away into nothing.

Two days went by this way until she heard the door to her room open and two pairs of footsteps enter.

Anara didn’t open her eyes. She wasn’t sure she could at this point haven gotten so weak from having nothing to eat or drink. She listened to them in a dream state.

“Pick her up and bring her to the med bay.” A female voice-- the General-- said quietly.

She felt arms slide underneath her and lift her from the cot, then the slight jostling of being carried down the hallway.

“I can’t believe that no one told me that her rations were going uneaten.” The General said, clearly irritated. “It’s something I should’ve been notified of immediately.”

The chest beneath her vibrated a little as the person carrying her spoke. “With the land troops coming back from training, they were busy.” The male voice said.

Anara felt a disappointment that it wasn’t Ben’s voice, but it faded, and she found that the voice was pleasant.

He stopped and she felt herself being gently lowered onto the bed. “I can’t believe she looks this bad just from two days.” He marveled.

“The Force is taking back what belongs to it.” The General explained sadly. “She’s giving up.”

He took in a sharp breath at that. “What can we do to help her, General?” The man asked.

“Get some nutrients into her and hope that she decides to come back.” She told him pragmatically. “Poe, I want you to stay here and watch over her. Make sure that they do everything they can to save her.”

“Yes ma’am.” He said.

Anara drifted out as they continued to speak, coming back into a semi-consciousness when she heard the gentle scrape of a chair on the floor beside her. She felt a hand in her hair, gently stroking it.

“Hey, um… I know you don’t know me but the General put me in charge of you.” He said to her. “So, it’d be really nice if you’d get through this, so I don’t have to relay the bad news, okay?”

She listened to his voice. It was soothing to her for some reason and his hand was calming on her scalp.

“I’m really sorry about your boyfriend.” He added. “I can’t imagine what it’s like to lose someone like that.” His hand stilled for a moment before continuing. “I bet he’d be really upset to see you do this to yourself though, huh? I bet that he would tell you to wake up and help bring peace to the galaxy.”

His voice was softer than Ben’s, but his words had a fire behind them that reminded her so much of her lost love; she felt herself ever so slightly starting to return from the blackness.

“Wouldn’t that be a legacy to leave? You could do it too, I bet. I heard the stories from the med bay when they brought you in. How you threw everyone but the General to the floor and broke all the equipment. We were all impressed.” He continued, “I’ve never met a Jedi before. I’ve always wanted to. I always wished that I could be one when I was a kid, but I never got the Force stuff, so I just became a pilot.”

She would have smiled if she had control over herself. ‘He must hate silence.’ She thought.

“I’m a really good one, too. Best in the Resistance.” He added with pride in his voice.

‘Or he likes to hear himself talk.’ She thought instead, amused by him.

“You know… I bet I could teach you to be as good as me.” He said, unaware that she was a decent pilot already. Her master had taught them all how to pilot ships, anything from a personnel carrier to a fighter ship. She wasn’t as good as him or Ben, but she could hold her own. She’d have to show this guy when she woke up.

He had continued talking as she thought. “—I’ll even take you on a date if you wake up.” He finished his sentence. “Not that I bet you’re interested in going on a date right now after… You know…” He cleared his throat. “But an offer is an offer. If you get through this, I’ll take you on a date and I can show you how good of a pilot I am.”

At that she knew she’d have to get out of his coma. Not for the date, but just to show this smarmy kid what she was made of.

* * *

A week later had Anara waking up in the med bay again. She looked up at the ceiling for a moment before sitting up and looking around. Her eyes landed on a Yavinese guy sitting in a chair, his arms folded over his chest and his head resting against the wall in sleep.

She managed a smirk as she watched him. ‘That must be Poe.’ She thought to herself, taking in the soft brown curls that rested on his forehead. He was definitely not what she had imagined, more of a rugged handsome than she had expected.

She slipped off the cot she had been on, taking a moment to steady her weak legs and walked over to him quietly, reaching up to run her fingers through his hair like he had done to her over the past few days.

He sighed and moved his head towards her hand.

She smiled softly and noted it down for later that he liked to have his hair played with. She understood the comfort in such a thing.

His eyes blinked open shortly after she started touching him and he jumped, sitting back from her. “You’re awake!” He said in shock.

She chuckled and stepped back. “Yeah.” She told him, slumping into a chair by him. Her body was still weak from disuse.

He hopped up and grabbed a cup of water, handing it to her. “Wow. I thought you’d…” He trailed off.

She took a sip of the liquid and nodded. “I thought so too.” She told him. She felt oddly at peace around him, and since he had spent the better part of the week watching over her and telling her all about him, she felt like they were friends. “I had help coming back though.”

He sat back in his chair to look at her. “Who?” He asked, confused.

She watched his face for a moment as she continued sipping at the water. “By his account, he’s the Resistance’s best pilot.” She said, chuckling when his eyes widened. “And he is under the impression that I don’t know how to fly.”

His cheeks flushed a little in embarrassment. “You heard that?” He asked her.

She nodded. “I heard everything.”

He smiled sheepishly at her. “Sorry, I just… I figured that it was better than just sitting there watching you.” He said.

Anara smiled warmly at him, reaching out to put her hand on his arm gently. “It brought me back.” She told him honestly. “You may not be able to use the Force, but you sure know how to take cues from it.”

He chuckled at that. “Yeah, maybe.” He said, meeting her eyes. “I’m Poe, by the way. Poe Dameron.” He said, sticking his hand out towards her to shake.

She looked at his hand, then back up to his eyes, reaching out to take his hand. “Anara Barnes.”

* * *

Anara settled back into the real world by enlisting in the navy, partially because she was a decent enough pilot, but also because Poe had basically driven her to it with his incessant need to try to outfly her.

After she had gotten released to leave the med bay (another two long weeks in which she spent every moment being watched for more suicidal tendencies) she challenged Poe to a competition. She’d show him who the better pilot was and maybe knock him down a peg or two.

She had lost. Badly. It was almost embarrassing, but it just drove her to get better. Just like Ben’s natural talent with the Force had driven her to become a better apprentice back then.

She and Poe would often do training drills together, betting on who would win. Sometimes she’d beat him, often times he would win, which was fine. Anara didn’t really care if she won or not, just enjoying the playful banter between herself and her friend and the rush of hitting mach speeds.

She slowly worked up the ranks in the navy, hitting the rank of Major after another year of being part of the Resistance. Sure, she had suspected that it was partially because they felt sorry for her, but she was a damn good pilot and she had taken out quite a few First Order stations and fighters at their command. She deserved her station.

What she hadn’t thought she had deserved was Poe naming her X-Wing Black Two. She was second in formation after he was.

“We’re not going over this again, Nara.” He told her. “You’re second in command so get used to it.” He told her, walking from the diagnostic panel to the engine of his X-wing.

She scowled at him and followed. “Poe, the others are much better suited—”

He cut her off and turned to look at her, “They are all fine with it. You can go ask them yourself if you don’t believe me. The squadron is a team and we all came to the decision together that you were best suited to lead after me.”

She let out a sigh through her nose, folding her arms over her chest. “I’ll do my best to make you proud.” She told him.

He grinned and put his arms around her, pulling her close and pressing a kiss to her lips.

It was a shock to the both of them. Poe pulled back immediately, looking horrified. “I’m sorry.” He said.

She reached up and touched her lips. They were still tingling from the kiss. She could feel something was happening between them for a long time, but she hadn’t expected Poe to kiss her.

She reached out and put her hand on his arm, meeting his nervous gaze. “It’s okay.” She said breathlessly. “Come here.” She said, drawing him to her.

Her breath caught as they stood chest to chest, her hands fisting in the sides of his shirt, clinging to him just slightly.

He looked down at her, reading her expression. He leaned in to capture her lips in another gentle kiss, putting his arms around her.

She sighed into the kiss, losing herself in the feel of having someone again. Her hands loosened their grip and moved up, pressing against his back a little.

He pulled away several long minutes later, resting their foreheads together and grinning. “That’s not how I thought this argument would end.” He whispered, laughing softly.

Anara laughed as well. “Me either.” She leaned up and pressed a quick peck to his lips. “I don’t mind it though.”

He smiled happily. “Me too, _amada_.” He said, rubbing his nose against hers a little.

She smiled. “What does that mean?” She asked him.

He chuckled and picked her up a little to kiss her again. “It means ‘ _beloved’_.” He told her.

She shook her head at him. “You’re hopeless, Dameron.” She told him, feeling more alive at this new development in their relationship than she had felt in years.

He kissed her nose before setting her back down. “For you, you bet.”

She smiled and stepped back from him, taking his hand. “Come on.” She said.

“Where are we going?” He asked with a laugh.

“We’re going to your room where we can continue this without prying eyes.” She told him, heading towards the barracks.

“I like the way you think.” He said softer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Work Title from Together Burning Bright by The Used
> 
> Chapter Title from I Come Alive by The Used
> 
> (I promise that not every chapter title will be by The Used, but their album Vulnerable is a really good album for this fic.)
> 
> Playlist for this work can be found here:
> 
> https://music.apple.com/us/playlist/star-wars/pl.u-11zBX83H8NWJGj


	3. She Will Love You For All Her Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The last of the character introductions and the beginning of the plot of TFA.

_“No! Ben, no!” Anara screamed, reaching out towards the two men._

_Ben’s hand was on her arm, holding onto her tightly as he clashed his saber with their master. “Anara, go!” He said._

_“No!” She screamed again. “Master, please!” She pleaded._

_Luke glanced at her, giving Ben an opening. The sickening cracking of the structural beams of the cabin cut through the tense moment, and then black._

“No!” She shouted, sitting up in bed.

Anara looked around at her room, calming a little when she realized that it was still intact. The memory was coming back in her dreams more frequently. She reached up and covered the handprint on her right arm with shaking fingers. If only she had been quicker, if only she had brought her saber, if only she hadn’t distracted them, if only… if only…

A crumpling of metal brought her out of her spiral and she looked at her side table, sighing. She swung her legs over the side to sit up, picking up the piece of scrap metal sitting on the table. She rested her arms on her knees and stared at the destroyed cup in her hands, flipping it over and over. No wonder she had lost everything… She was so good at destroying things.

Anger flared in her and she threw the scrap in her hands at the wall with an anguished scream.

The door to her room slid open at that moment, “Up and at ‘em, Barnes.” Poe said, seeing the anger on her face. “What’s wrong?” He asked, walking closer to her.

She looked over at him then back down at her hands.

“Was it the nightmare again?” He asked, sitting next to her on the bed.

She nodded, feeling the anger turn to sadness. “I still can’t save him.” She said, sniffling.

Poe put his arm around her, pulling her against his side. “It’s alright _amada_.” He said, pressing a soft kiss to the side of her head. “You did what you could.”

She shook her head and fell silent, turning to wrap her arms around Poe tightly.

He turned and pulled her into his lap, running his hands along her back soothingly. “I know you miss him.” He said softly, feeling the first of her tears fall against his shoulder.

She hid her face in his shirt as the sobs wracked her. She didn’t deserve someone as understanding as Poe. Here he was, holding her and letting her cry over a man she lost three years ago.

Poe shushed her, letting her cry for as long as she needed. He knew going in that the woman in his arms was broken, that he could never be her lost love, but that didn’t matter to him. He would be there for her in any way she needed.

Eventually the sobs stopped, and he pressed a kiss to her cheek. “Better?” He asked softly.

She nodded, sitting up a little to wipe her face. “I’m sorry.” She said, her breath catching as she fought for control.

He smirked and reached up to wipe a tear from her cheek. “It’s okay, _amada_.” He said. “Don’t apologize.”

She rested her forehead against his, closing her eyes and matching her breathing to his. “I don’t deserve you.” She whispered.

He leaned in and pressed a light kiss to his lips. “We deserve each other, I think.” He told her.

She managed a weak chuckle. “You’re hopeless, Dameron.” She whispered.

He smiled. “For you, you bet.” He said, kissing her again. “Come on, the General wants to see us.” He told her, wrapping his arms tighter around her waist.

She sat back to look into his eyes. “Yeah? Is that why you won’t let me go?” She asked.

His smile turned cheeky. “No, that’s for me.” He told her. “We can be late.” He said.

She shook her head but smiled at his antics. “You really like to press your luck because you’re commander, don’t you?” She asked him.

“Maybe a little.” He said, capturing her lips in a kiss, stealing her breath.

She pulled away, her cheeks pink for another reason besides crying. “Poe…” She warned.

He kissed down her neck, sucking a mark right above where her scar started. “Come on, Nara… We can have a little fun.” He said.

She sighed. “Not too late.” She relented, laughing when she saw the triumphant look in his eyes.

“Deal.” He said, grinning.

* * *

The General turned to them as they entered the command center, raising an eyebrow. “Nice of you two to finally join us.” She said, her eyes landing on the mottled purple spots on Anara’s neck.

She blushed a little and elbowed Poe for the smirk he was giving. “Sorry, General.” She said softly.

She nodded her head to let her know that she was forgiven and looked between the two of them. “We have a mission for you, Commander.” She said, turning to the console and pulling up a map of the galaxy, zeroing it in on a planet in the Western reaches. “We have some intelligence on the planet Jakku that we need you to retrieve.” She told him.

Anara listened, wondering why exactly she would need to be here for this if it was Poe’s mission.

“That’s a simple mission, General. Why couldn’t one of the other pilots do it?” He asked curiously.

She turned to look at him, glancing for a split second at Anara. “It’s vital intelligence that we need and you’re the best pilot we have.”

He stood a little taller at that. Sure he bragged about it, but being told by the General herself was always a source of pride for him. “Yes ma’am.”

She nodded and turned to Anara. “That means that you’re in charge until he comes back.” She told her.

So that was the reason that she was involved in this.

“In charge?” She asked, surprised. “Of the squadron, you mean.” She said.

The General met her eyes. “No, Major… You’ll be interim commander until Commander Dameron comes back from his mission.” She clarified.

Poe looked over at her, reaching out to take her hand and give it a gentle squeeze. “You can do it.” He whispered.

She looked between the two of them. “Oh, y-yes ma’am.” She said, saluting her.

“Commander, if you want to show Major Barnes what you expect of her and return to us by 1500, we will brief you on the specifics on the mission.” She said, turning to a lieutenant that had joined her to give her report.

Poe saluted and lead Anara out of the room, turning to her once they were well down the hallway. “I had no idea.” He told her.

She met his gaze. “That she would put me in charge, or that you were going on a mission alone?” She asked, her face blank.

“Either one.” He said. “I know you can do the command part easily, but...”

She shook her head, putting her arms around him under his jacket, resting her head against him. “Don’t worry about me. I’m a big girl, I can handle it.” She said.

She knew that the mission had to be extremely important for them to send Poe to gather intelligence. It didn’t stop the dread she felt at the thought of him going without backup to the other side of the galaxy.

“You just have to take care of yourself.” She told him. “Or I’m coming after you.” She said.

He smiled and put his arms around her, kissing one of the hickeys on her neck that he had left that morning. “I wouldn’t expect anything less.” He told her. “Come on, I’ll show you what you need to do.” He told her, letting go to start walking towards the hanger.

* * *

Anara sat next to the X-Wing, her eyes on BB-8. “Hey buddy.” She said softly while waiting for Poe to finish his meeting with the General. “You’re gonna take care of him, right?” She asked, smiling at the confirming beeps the droid made. “Good… You don’t let him be a big, dumb hero.” She said, patting him and laughing a little when the droid rolled around happily.

“What are you telling him?” Poe asked, walking up. He reached his hand down to help Anara stand.

She smiled and looked back at the droid. “Only that he should keep you out of trouble while you’re gone.” She said. “Since I won’t be there to stop you myself.”

Poe shook his head. “I can’t believe that you’d have my own droid conspire against me like this.” He said, laughing when BB-8 rolled into his leg. “Yeah buddy, I know.” He said, turning to Anara.

She looked up at him, the dread washing over her again. “So, this is it, huh?” She asked.

He nodded. “Yeah. I’ll be back before you know it, Nara.” He said, kissing her softly.

She nodded. “I know. You better. I was serious when I said I’d come find you if you didn’t.” She told him.

He chuckled. “I’m counting on it.” He told her. “It’s why I know that I can trust you to lead.”

She shook her head at him. “Don’t remind me. I’m not leadership, but your faith in me is sweet.”

He kissed her one more time, holding her tightly. “I wouldn’t trust anyone else.” He whispered, pulling away reluctantly.

“You take care of yourself, Dameron.” She said, letting him go. “And I better not see a scratch on that ship or the droid.” She told him.

He laughed and gave her a mock salute. “Yes ma’am, Commander.” He teased.

“Ugh, you two are so gross.” A voice said from behind them.

Anara turned to see the intruder. “Shut up, Evans. No one asked you.” She said, smirking.

Captain Aiden Evans was one of the few people who Anara considered a friend at the base, even if the captain would stick her nose where it didn’t belong.

Aiden shrugged her shoulder at her and crouched to greet the droid before speaking to them. “I can’t help that you two insist on sucking face in the hanger where anyone can see.” She told them.

"What is a ground trooper like you doing here anyway?" Anara asked with a roll of her eyes. “I was just seeing Poe off for his mission.” She told her.

“Yeah, I heard about that.” She said. “Don’t mess up BB-8.” She told Poe seriously.

“I hadn’t planned on it.” He said simply, smiling at her.

Aiden nodded. “Good. Because I like him a lot better than you, but you have to fly the ship so… Y’know… I have to leave his fate up to you.” She told them.

Anara shook her head and turned to Poe. “Go. Before Aiden takes BB-8.” She said, kissing him once more.

He stepped away and climbed into the cockpit, waving at them before heading to the landing pad.

Anara followed the fighter out of the hanger, watching as it took off and left the planet entirely.

Aiden stood next to her. “Let’s play some sabacc.” She suggested.

Anara turned to her, thankful for the obvious distraction that her friend was trying to give her. “Yeah, sure. I’ll take your credits.” She said.

Aiden smiled. “You can try, Barnes.”

* * *

“Commander Dameron has yet to respond to any of our hailing frequencies.” One of the command lieutenants said as Anara entered the room a few days after Poe had left on his mission. The longer he was gone, the more volatile her temper had started to become.

She stopped in the shadows upon hearing Poe’s name, hiding to listen in on the conversation.

“We got news of a large First Order presence at around the same time that we lost contact with him.” The lieutenant continued, reading from a datapad. “We’ve gotten report that Lor San Tekka was among those killed in the village.” She said, jumping at the cracking noise of the stone walls near them. “I-It seems that Kylo Ren and the First Order—” The lieutenant started to shake as the cracking got louder. “May have captured him.” She finished meekly.

The General sighed and dismissed the lieutenant, turning to the shadows. “Commander Barnes, if you could please stop trying to destroy the base, that would be much appreciated.” She said.

Anara walked out; her fists clenched tightly. “I’m going after him.” She said by way of greeting.

The General’s eyes narrowed a little. “I’m afraid that I cannot allow that.” She said, crossing her arms over her chest.

Anara’s gaze met hers. “It wasn’t a request, General. I’m going after Commander Dameron.” She said simply.

The battle weary general sighed. “Poe can handle himself, Anara.” She told her simply. “I know that you two have a relationship, but we cannot allow you to jeopardize the mission for emotions.” She stated.

Anara took a deep breath through her nose, letting it out slowly to will herself back into control. “His mission, General, was to retrieve intelligence for you. Intelligence that was so important that you sent your best pilot to retrieve it.” She said with a dangerous calm. “Poe is that important to me, so with all due respect, I’m going after him and I won’t let you, the Force, or the First-fucking-Order stop me.” She said, turning to leave the room.

“Commander Dameron left you in charge, didn’t he?” Leia said to her retreating form. “Don’t you think that he’d be upset by you committing treason to steal a fighter and go after him?” She asked. “He trusted you to lead, Anara.”

She took a breath. “Then I’ll take the whole damn squadron with me.” She said angrily, the cracking of the stone starting again. “I’m not letting another Force-using monster take someone away from me.”

Leia stood straighter, her eyes hardening. “I know that you don’t want what happened at the Temple to happen to Poe, but you have to trust me that Poe can take care of himself.” She told her, matching her anger.

She kept her back to the general, looking at her over her shoulder. “If it was someone you loved, what would you do?” She asked quietly in a moment of vulnerability that few actually got to see. “Would you tear the galaxy apart to get them back?”

Leia took a deep breath in. If only she could tell Anara that no truer a statement had been directed at her.

“Take Wexley and Kun. Under no circumstances are you to engage with First Order ships. This is a retrieval mission only. You go to Jakku, you find him, and you bring him back.” She said after several long, charged moments. “And if you see Kylo Ren, you turn the fighter around and you get back ASAP.”

Anara let out a sigh in relief and nodded. “Understood, General.” She said, heading back towards the door.

“Oh and Major?” Leia said as Anara reached the door, using her actual rank rather than the interim she was given.

“Yes, General?” She asked, this time not turning to look at her.

“You are relieved of your duty as commander. Don’t ever disobey my orders again.” She told her sternly.

“Yes, General.” She said, smirking a little and heading out to gather her team.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Work Title from Together Burning Bright by The Used
> 
> Chapter Title from She Will Love you by Aiden
> 
> (See, I told you.)
> 
> Playlist can be found here:
> 
> https://music.apple.com/us/playlist/star-wars/pl.u-11zBX83H8NWJGj


	4. Livin' In a World Without You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some dialogue is not mine (it is paraphrased though) because it needed to be in the story

Poe awoke slowly, his body still wracked with pain from the last round of torture it had been put through. He sighed and looked around the room, landing on the shadowy figure standing across from them.

He groaned a little. “What do you want now?” He asked, looking at the mask of the First Order commander.

Kylo Ren didn’t move. “I didn’t realize that we had the Resistance’s best pilot on board.” He said snarkily.

“It’s truly an honor… Thought the accommodations could be a bit better.” He said, wincing a little as a twinge of pain shot through him.

“I’m impressed. They haven’t been able to get the location of the map from you.” Ren responded, ignoring the sass from the captive.

Poe looked at him unwaveringly. “I have something worth fighting for.” He told him, finding his resolve.

He felt a splitting headache start to form as Ren raised his hand. He felt something in the air around him, just like he did whenever Anara lost control around him, an almost electric sting to the air.

“Where. Is. It?” Ren asked, the modulated voice making his words even more threatening.

The pressure in his head increased to the point where Poe felt like his brain was going to turn into mush and leak out his ears. He tried his best not to think about where the map was, but instead on something much less vital to the Resistance, something that he hoped would distract his torturer from what he was looking for.

_He recalled a memory, one of his favorites. It was the first night that they spent together._

_Her hair was loose from its braid for once, the long brown locks were curled from the plait and fanned out over the pillow. She met his gaze, smiling lovingly at him. She laughed at something he said, her neck arching as her head fell back, exposing the purple marks he had left on her._

_He loved how she laughed, a rare thing to get her to do, so he did his damnedest to try to elicit one from her as often as he could._

_Her eyes met his, an adoration in them as she reached out to cup his cheek, her thumb running alone his cheekbone gently. “Te quiero.” She whispered._

_He had taught her a few words of his language, one of those being the translation of ‘I love you.’ She never said it in basic, he guessed that it had something to do with Ben, but he didn’t mind. He would take the sentiment any way she gave it._

_He leaned in and kissed her. “Te quiero, amada.” He responded back softly._

His head slammed back against the table that he was strapped to.

“Where is she?” Ren growled out.

That took Poe by surprise. He had hoped that his memory would distract him, but he hadn’t expected this response. He screamed a little as the pressure increased further.

“WHERE IS SHE?” Ren shouted at him.

Poe looked at him through the blurring of his vision. “Who?” He managed to ask, feigning innocence.

“The girl—The Jedi. Where is she?” He demanded.

Poe’s blood went cold. How could Kylo Ren know just from that small bit of a memory that she was Jedi. “You can’t intimidate me.” He managed to get out.

Ren pulled at his mind again, trying to search for what he was looking for, breaking through the defenses of the pilot’s mind, coming across the location of the map but not the location of her.

He stepped away, letting the pilot go. “This won’t end until you tell me where she is.” He said, leaving the room to report the location of the map. First, he would find Skywalker, then he would find her.

* * *

Poe woke again to a stormtrooper entering the room.

“Ren wants the prisoner.” He said to the guard, pulling Poe from the table and marching him down the hallway.

Poe walked with him, using the time to strengthen his defenses. He already failed by revealing the location of the map, he wasn’t going to let them get his girlfriend too. He came back as he was being shoved into an alcove off of the hallway they just turned down.

“If you do exactly as I say, I can get you out of here.” The stormtrooper said urgently.

Poe looked at him confused. “What?”

“I’m helping you escape; can you fly a TIE fighter?” The stormtrooper asked, removing his helmet.

“You’re with the Resistance?” He asked. He wasn’t aware of any sleepers aboard a First Order ship, especially not one that Kylo Ren was often aboard.

“What? No! I’m breaking you out. Can you fly a TIE fighter?” He asked again, his frustration growing.

“I can fly anything.” He responded, a sense of relief coming over him. He’d get out. He’d escape, get BB-8, and get back to D’Qar without Ren finding anyone. “Why are you helping me?” He asked curiously. There had to be a catch. This was too easy.

“Because it’s the right thing to do.” The stormtrooper told him.

Poe read his face and grinned. “You need a pilot.” He said with a laugh.

“I need a pilot.” The trooper confirmed.

* * *

Poe woke for the third time that day with a raging headache.

He groaned and unbuckled himself from the parachute, standing in the sand dunes. “Well, shit.” He said, looking around. He groaned again and grabbed the chute, walking East, praying that would bring him to a village of some kind, or the wreckage of the fighter. He hoped that Finn had gotten out okay.

The sun started to set as he walked, the weariness of the torture and the crash were beginning to take a toll on him and he sat at the base of a dune, taking a moment to rest.

The sound of a fighter closing in had him back on his feet and he looked back in the direction that he had come. They must’ve seen where the TIE fighter had landed and were searching for him.

He looked around, swearing as he realized that he was exposed.

The fighters approached quickly from the horizon, flying low.

His eyes widened when he saw that they weren’t TIE at all but black and orange. His squad. He grinned and hurried to the top of a dune, jumping up and down and waving his arms so that they could see him.

The three fighters flew over him and banked, flying back towards him and hovering over his location before lowering down on a flat patch.

He fell to his knees, grinning. He had been saved; they had actually come for him. He laughed, almost brought to tears.

The first pilot climbed out, throwing her helmet down at the landing gear and running over to him, dropping to her knees in front of him to pull him into a tight hug. “You stupid, stupid man.” She said, leaning back to take his face in her hands.

He smiled at her, unable to stop the relief and joy he felt. “You said you’d come for me.” He told her, pulling her to him.

Her arms fell to his shoulders, resting her face against the top of his head. “Of course I would, dummy.” She whispered. “I can’t kill you if you get yourself killed first.” She said, fighting back the tears from finding him alive.

He leaned back to kiss her softly. “Let’s get out of here, _amada_.” He said, holding onto her still. “We have to find BB-8 and get back to base.”

She shook her head. “We can’t spend any more time here. The TIE you stole is going to bring the First Order here and we have to get you back.”

“No, we have to find BB, he has the map.” He told her, losing his will against the need to rest from his injuries.

“Map? Is that what you were sent for?” She asked, her happy smile turning into a scowl.

He looked at her then away. “Nara please… We can be angry about it later.” He told her softly.

She sighed and stood, helping him to his feet. “Fine. Let’s get you back to the base to heal and we’ll come back to look for BB-8.” He said, helping him to the fighter.

He looked to the other two pilots that had come on the mission. “Wexley, Kun.” He said, letting go of Anara to give them hugs.

Wexley laughed and clapped him on the back. “It’s good to see you, Commander.” He said. “Barnes was driving us all nuts while you were gone.” He said.

Anara frowned at him.

Poe laughed. “Yeah, I can see that.” He said, moving on to hug the third pilot.

“Hey, Commander.” She said, patting him. “Nice to see you.” She said, smiling. “Now let’s get out of here before we get discovered.” She said.

He looked between the three of them and nodded. “Yeah, let’s go.”

It wasn’t a comfortable squeeze with two people in a single cockpit, but they managed. Anara was so relieved that he was okay that she would handle any discomfort.

He sat in the seat and she settled in front of him, leaning back into his chest. His arms snaked around her and she felt his head rest against her shoulders as she and the others lifted out of the dunes.

She glanced over her shoulder to see Poe asleep by the time they got out of atmo and she smiled. He was safe. He was alive and with her. She hit hyperdrive, pressing back into him as they made the jump to D’Qar.

* * *

Kylo stood in front of the databanks in one of the lesser used areas of the ship. His mind was completely elsewhere as he waited for news of the capture of the droid.

His thoughts went back to the memory he had seen from the Resistance pilot. He focused on the girl, her long brown hair, her pale blue eyes… The smile he remembered the most vividly. He often recalled that smile, the loving look on her face, when he was alone. It was what drove him to keep fighting.

When he got intel that there was a map to where Skywalker was, he became obsessed with finding it; with finding his old master. He would make the man pay for taking her away from him. If only Skywalker had left them be. They would’ve been stronger together, he had to have seen that!

His mind left the angry spiral of thoughts to focus on the logic of what he saw. She couldn’t be the same woman. Anara had died at the Temple; he was sure of it. He never felt her in the Force that night so the woman in the memory couldn’t be her. Maybe her sister.

No, that couldn’t be right… Anara only had a brother… Unless she had been born after Anara had been turned over to become an apprentice. That had to be it.

“Sir… We were unable to acquire the droid.” An officer spoke from behind him, pulling him from his thoughts entirely. “It escaped upon a stolen freighter.”

“The droid… stole a freighter?” He asked, raising an eyebrow behind his mask. He didn’t have time for these games; not when he was trying to control his anger and try to make Skywalker pay.

“He had help, sir… We think that FN-2187 may have helped—” The officer stopped speaking as Kylo’s saber ignited.

He turned and slashed angrily at the console behind him, destroying it in his fit of anger. The droid had gotten away. His chance at getting the map had gotten away. He deactivated the saber once the worst of his anger had subsided. “Anything else?” He asked tersely.

The officer paused for a moment, unsure if he wanted to relay any more news to the volatile knight. “The two were accompanied by a girl.” He said, choking a little as he was pulled across the floor by the Force.

“What _girl_?” He asked angrily.

The fear in the officer’s eyes caused him to let him go a little, allowing the officer to breathe and respond. “A-A scavenger, sir.” He said nervously.

Kylo dropped him completely. It hadn’t been her. Why would it have been the girl from the pilot’s memory anyway? “Dismissed.” He said, turning his back to the officer as he scrambled to leave.

* * *

Anara landed the fighter on D’Qar, reaching down to put her hand over Poe’s and shaking it a little. “Wake up, Poe.” She said softly.

He groaned and wrapped his arms around her tighter for a second before releasing her. “We’re back?” He asked.

She smiled and opened the cockpit, standing and turning to look at him. “Yeah. We’re back at base. Come on, let’s get you to the med bay and then you can sleep.” She said softly.

He nodded and let her exit the cramped fighter before he slowly lowered himself down the ladder.

Anara ducked under his arm, letting him put his arm on her shoulder as she walked him towards the entrance to the base.

“I’m fine, Nara.” He said, leaning against her more than he cared to.

She shook her head at him. “I don’t care. Let a medic tell us that and then you can do whatever it is you want.” She told him.

He managed a devilish smirk. “Promise?” He asked.

She let out a chuckle. “I think that you’re going to be fine if you’re thinking like that.” She said, guiding him down towards the med bay anyway.

* * *

General Organa met them in the med bay, relief on her face when she saw that Poe was mostly intact.

He let go of Anara, swaying a little, to stand straighter. “General.” He said.

Anara met the general’s eyes for a moment before bowing her head and saluting. “General.” She muttered, the previous anger that she held for the general disappearing now that Poe was back.

“It’s good to have you back, Poe.” She said, smiling softly at him.

He smiled softly at her. “It’s good to be back, ma’am.” He said, letting the medics take him away to look him over.

The general turned to watch him get whisked away, standing next to Anara. “Good work, Major.” She said quietly.

Anara glanced over at her. “Thank you, General.” She said, scowling when the medics took Poe’s shirt off to reveal the bruises and lacerations that his torture and the crash had given him.

Leia watched the change take over Anara. No wonder Luke had been worried about Ben and her interacting. She could see the war that was constantly fought inside the young woman, the battle against the dark side that she wasn’t even sure that she realized was happening.

Anara took a deep breath and looked at the General again. “Thank you.” She told her. “For letting me go get him.” She said softly.

Leia was taken aback by this. “He’s a good pilot.” She said.

Anara smiled. “He’s a good person… Even if we weren’t… I would have done the same thing.” She admitted to her.

Leia smirked a little at that. She could see why her son had liked her so much.

“Ow, quit it!” Poe said, batting at the medics who were prodding at his bruises.

Anara snorted a little at the pout he was giving her. “Don’t be a baby, Dameron.” She said, hoping to distract him from the pain.

* * *

Anara helped Poe to his quarters once he was released by the medics. “You could have told me that you were hurt.” She scolded him.

He smiled tiredly. “Why would I do that and risk you refusing to touch me?” He asked her.

She shook her head and put the code in to open his door. “Hopeless.” She whispered, lowering him onto the bed.

He watched as she fussed over him, helping him remove his shirt again and grabbing a cloth to wipe off the layer of dirt and grime. “I’d have gotten hurt sooner if I knew you’d do this.” He joked, hoping to diffuse the tension he felt from her.

She paused and met his eyes, her own shining with unshed tears.

His smile turned to one of concern. “ _Amada_.” He said, taking the cloth from her, dropping it to the floor and pulling her to him. “Don’t cry.”

She took in a shaky breath, holding onto him gently, kneeling on the ground in front of him. “I’m not crying.” She said. “I’m mad because I told you not to do anything stupid.”

He rubbed her back gently. “I didn’t do it on purpose if it makes you feel better.” He said.

She huffed out a laugh. “It doesn’t, but thanks for trying.” She told him, meeting his gaze.

He leaned down and kissed her softly. “I knew you’d come for me.” He whispered against her lips.

She let her eyes drift closed, sighing a little as she leaned in for another kiss. “I promised that I would.” She told him. “ _Te quiero_.” She whispered.

He smiled. “ _Te quiero._ ” He said, pulling her onto the bed with him.

She laid down next to him, running her fingers through his hair gently. “I love you.” She whispered to him.

He grinned and turned to look at her. “Yeah?” He asked.

She nodded. “Yeah.” She replied, pecking his lips. “So don’t ever do something stupid ever again.” She told him.

He pulled her close, pressing his lips to her temple. “I promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Work Title from Together Burning Bright by The Used
> 
> Chapter Title from Livin In A World Without You by The Rasmus
> 
> Story Playlist can be found here:
> 
> https://music.apple.com/us/playlist/star-wars/pl.u-11zBX83H8NWJGj


	5. And I Dream About You All The Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anara comes to a decision
> 
> So does Kylo Ren.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that it took me a few days to get this out!
> 
> I've been making masks with my family to help with this whole pandemic thing.

Anara laid beside Poe as he slept, watching the slow rise and fall of his chest. She never had this with Ben, she mused. She had lost him before she had ever gotten the chance to have these kinds of moments with him.

She reached up, running her scarred hand through his curls gently, smiling when he made a happy sound and instinctively moved into the touch. He was beautiful, her pilot, both inside and out. He was always just enough to keep her going when the blackness wanted to take her, when the Force tried to reclaim her.

“Didn’t anyone ever tell you that it’s not polite to stare?” Poe asked, smirking at her as he slowly blinked his eyes open.

She chuckled and leaned in for a soft kiss. “No. I’m just a poor, uncultured farm girl.” She joked, resting her head on her arm.

He smiled warmly at her. “You’re more than that, Nara.” He said, brushing a strand of hair from her face.

She shook her head a little. “Maybe.” She said, gazing into his dark brown eyes. “What did they do to you?” She asked him, finally getting up the nerve to learn the reasons behind his injuries.

He tensed a little. His torture wasn’t something he really wanted to talk about when he was having such a nice moment in bed with his girlfriend. He took a breath and looked her in the eyes. “I can’t.” He said softly.

Anara watched the emotions flicker over his face. “I can look if you’d rather.” She suggested to him.

“No!” He said immediately, sitting up with a wince. “Don’t… Don’t do that.” He told her defensively.

She sat up with him, frowning a bit at the reaction that simple suggestion had elicited. She searched his face. “They forced themselves into your mind.” She said as statement of fact. “That fucking monster.” She said angrily.

He glanced over at her before standing and reaching for his shirt on the floor.

Anara climbed off the bed and put her hand on his chest gently. “Poe… Please…” She pleaded softly. “I just want to know.”

He stopped to look into her eyes again. “Ren did.” He said, breaking at the soft look of concern in her eyes. “He… He pulled thoughts from me, Anara. I fought, but it was… it was like I couldn’t stop him.” He took a shaky breath.

She wrapped her arms around his waist, holding onto him, grounding him. “I would never—”

“I know.” He cut her off, clinging to her. “He saw that BB-8 has the map and… I tried to distract him, I thought about you but…” He leaned back from the embrace to look at her with a fear behind his eyes. “Anara, he knew you were a Jedi.”

That simple fact shocked her. “He knew?” She looked away from him. “You didn’t mention it in your mind at all?”

He shook his head. “It wasn’t a memory of anything having to do with what you can do with the Force.” He assured her.

She hugged him tighter, mindful of his injuries. “I don’t… How could he know?” She asked, distracted.

He had to have been an apprentice with her. It was the only option that she could think of. He was the right age. But who? The temple was destroyed, and she was lucky to have made it out alive. Who could have survived to become such a monster? She couldn’t imagine any of her fellow apprentices ever becoming so cruel as to destroy whole systems for gain in a war like this.

Poe held her as she thought, glad to not have to bring up his time aboard the First Order’s ship. “He’s gonna come after you.” He told her.

Her eyes flicked up to meet his again and she stepped out of his embrace. “Then I have to go after him first.” She said, turning and leaving the room with a grim determination.

“Anara! Anara, wait!” Poe shouted, following after her. “How are you going to do that?” He asked, catching up with her easily.

She turned down the hall not too far from where his quarters were, opening the door to her room. “He’s not the only person who can use the Force, remember?” She said, dropping to her knees at the bedside and pulling the metal footlocker from under her bed. She fussed with it for a minute before she could get the latch to open, the metal of the box crumpled from the many nightmares she had endured.

She reached in with a shaking hand, feeling the welcoming hum course through her as her hand wrapped around the hilt of her weapon. She stood and looked down at it for a moment, activating it so that the golden blade shown. “I’ll just have to kill Kylo Ren.” She said with finality.

* * *

Kylo stood in his quarters, his hands clasped tightly behind his back. His helmet was on the table in front of him so that he could look properly out of the large picture window overlooking the stars. It was a beautiful sight to behold, he noted idly.

His mind wasn’t on the stars, however, but on the memory he had gathered from the pilot. He was missing something, some detail, that would confirm her identity to him. The possibility of the woman being Anara’s sister was appealing but didn’t explain why she looked to be the same age as the pilot or as the commander of the knights of Ren.

If she was in fact his lost love, how could it be? After he had woken under the rubble, he had pulled himself out and then set about looking for her. He couldn’t find her or his bastard uncle, then the lightning storm had come, and the rest was history. She merely hadn’t survived the destruction of the cabin. It hadn’t been possible; she wouldn’t have had the time to protect herself with the Force.

Still, though… The woman in the memory had the same gaze in her eyes that he had seen that night. This time it wasn’t directed at him, but at the mouthy pilot, and it made Kylo’s blood boil. Anara or not, who did he think he was showing him a memory like that. He had to know somehow who he was and what she had looked like.

An angry growl erupted from his throat at the only explanation he could come up with: General Organa must have told him; implanted in his mind a memory that would distract him if the pilot were to ever be captured.

Kylo sneered at that. He had still gotten the information he was seeking. He would find the droid, get the map, and finally _finally_ have his revenge on the man who destroyed his life. Nothing would stand in his way this time. His lifeline to the light had been snatched from his grasp three long years ago. It was only darkness now.

* * *

“Woah… Anara… _amada_ , are you sure you want to do this?” Poe asked. He knew how determined she had been to remove all traces from the Force from her life.

She deactivated the saber and clipped it to her belt. “I’m not letting someone yield the Force to hurt someone I love. Never again will I stand aside and let it happen.” She moved closer and took his hands in hers. “Poe, this isn’t something I wanted, but it looks like the decision was made for me.”

He smiled at her determination. “You are incredibly hot right now.” He told her, grinning devilishly.

She laughed and leaned in for a quick kiss. “You are hopeless.” She said simply.

He kissed her again, his tongue sneaking past her lips to run along hers. He pulled back, cupping her head in his hands gently. “For you, you bet.” He whispered. “I love you.” He said, pressing a soft kiss to her lips.

She smiled, “I love you too.” She told him, stepping backwards and out of his hands. “I need to speak with the General.”

* * *

_He stood just inside the doorway to the cabin, everything around him frozen in time. He saw Skywalker standing near the bed, looking at the sleeping figures._

_He walked closer, moving past the Jedi to peer at them. He smiled sadly, seeing how peaceful Anara had looked curled against him as she slept. He still felt the ache in his chest at how much he loved her._

_He reached out and touched her cheek, tracing his fingers along her lips. He leaned down and kissed her softly, trying his best to remember how it felt to do so._

_He noticed a change when their lips connected, and he pulled away quickly._

_Her eyes were opened, and she looked up at him. “Ben…” She said, sitting up to look at him._

_He was surprised. How could she be awake in his memory. This isn’t how it happened._

_She stood and climbed over the sleeping version of his younger self to stand in front of him. The sheet that covered them both was worn as a makeshift robe. “Ben… why did you let me die?” She asked._

_“I didn’t… I didn’t want that…” He said weakly. “I was trying to protect you.”_

_She reached out to him, her fingers brushing his cheek. “You are the reason I was killed.” She told him simply. “I loved you. I trusted you to keep me safe, and yours is the hand that ended my life.”_

_He dropped to his knees, looking up at her with tears in his eyes. “No… It—It was Skywalker. He did this.”_

_She shook her head at him, her touch a searing pain on his skin that he welcomed. “It was you, Ben. You did this. You killed me, not Skywalker—You.”_

_“Anara, please.” He begged, reaching out to touch her but always seeming to be just out of reach somehow. “I’m sorry. I never wanted you to get hurt. I love you.”_

_She shook her head again, her skin seemingly darkening as he watched. “How can a monster love?” She asked, her face twisted in a grimace. “We could have been the greatest Force-wielders in history, but your carelessness killed me.” She said, her skin completely charred. “You. Did. **This**.” She hissed, crumpling to the dirt in a pile of ash._

_“No!” He reached out to her again._

_The scene shifted and he was kneeling in an unfamiliar place, a beautiful forest somewhere. He stood and looked around._

_She walked out of the trees, standing before him in a similar outfit to what the pilot had been wearing. “Ben.” She said with a smile._

_He watched her move, walking confidently towards him._

_“Hello, sweetheart.” She said, standing just out of his reach. “It’s been a while, hasn’t it?”_

_He glanced around nervously. Something was wrong about this; he just didn’t know what exactly._

_“What is it, Ben? You don’t miss me?” She asked him, the smirk still on her face._

_“This isn’t real. We were never on a forest planet.” He said._

_“No, of course not. This is where the Force chose to put us.” She told him, taking a step closer. “So that I could see you.”_

_He watched her for a minute before reaching out to touch her. “I miss you.” He admitted, pulling her to him._

_She wrapped her arms around his waist and rested her head against his chest. “I miss you too, Ben.” She said, sighing a little. “It’s not so bad here.”_

_“Where is here?” He asked._

_Her smile turned enigmatic. “Where do you think? Here, with your grandfather and the other Jedi masters before us.” She told him._

_He sat down, pulling her into his lap to continue to hold her. “So you are one with the Force.” He said a hint of sadness._

_She carded her fingers through his hair. “It’s not so bad.” She repeated. “It’s quiet and beautiful.” She softly pressed a kiss to his forehead._

_He met her eyes. “Anara, I never meant—“_

_“Shh. I know. It wasn’t your fault.” She told him. “If master Skywalker hadn’t come in, you wouldn’t have had to act so drastically. I was only a casualty to the inevitable.”_

_“The inevitable?” He asked, confused._

_She nodded. “He was always going to kill you. You were too strong against him. You were destined to be the greatest Jedi to ever be and he couldn’t allow that title to be taken away from him. He was selfish and cruel. He didn’t care about anyone but himself. He kept us apart because he thought it would weaken you and when it didn’t work, he was going to kill you, or me, whichever would put a stop to you.”_

_His eyes widened at that. “But he’s my uncle… Why would he want to kill me because of my power?”_

_“Because you were such a natural at it. Something he never was.” She kissed him. “But you know what you have to do now, don’t you?” She asked him. “You have to kill him… For me. For what could have been.”_

_He tensed a little and nodded. “Of course, Ana. I was always going to avenge your death.”_

_She smiled, a hint of wickedness. “Good. And the girl, the scavenger… You’ll kill her too?”_

_He nodded again. “Whatever you want.” He said, helpless against her._

_She kissed him again, slowly. “Good.”_

* * *

“General!” Anara shouted, walking into the command center with Poe right behind. “General, I have to talk to you.” She said.

Leia turned from where she was reading her datapad. “Yes, major?” She asked.

She stood in front of her, saluting the general briefly. “I’ve made a decision, ma’am.” She told her.

Leia raised an eyebrow at her curiously. “Is that so? About what, major?” She asked.

Anara took a breath, feeling the comforting weight of Poe’s hand on her shoulder after a moment of hesitation. “I’m going to reconnect with the Force, General.” She told her, her confidence wavering. “Kylo Ren’s abilities with the Force are too much of a danger to us. You need someone who can take him on and… I’m sorry, General, but I’m your best option.”

Leia listened patiently, glancing between the two officers. “No.” She said after a long moment.

Anara’s jaw dropped. “What?”

Leia sat her datapad down and stood. “I said no, Major. We don’t need a Jedi to win this war. I’m not pitting you against Kylo Ren.” She told her.

“But, General—” Poe interjected.

She shook her head. “My decision is final.” She told them. “I appreciate your wanting to help but fighting fire with fire isn’t going to give us an advantage.”

Anara watched her for a moment. “General… You’re afraid.” She said. “You’re afraid of what I’d do to him… Why?” She asked.

Poe watched the two women, feeling the irritation radiating off of the General. “ _Amada_ … Maybe we should go.”

“I think that’d be the best.” Leia said simply. “You should be resting anyway, Commander.” She said, turning her back to them.

Anara watched her for a moment. “Yes, ma’am.” She said, turning and leaving the room with Poe. What was the general trying to protect her from? Or was it that she was trying to protect Ren? Anara wasn’t sure, but she was going to figure it out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Work Title from Together Burning Bright by The Used
> 
> Chapter Title from Here Without You by 3 Doors Down
> 
> Story Playlist can be found here: 
> 
> https://music.apple.com/us/playlist/star-wars/pl.u-11zBX83H8NWJGj


	6. I'm Forever Yours, Faithfully

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some paraphrasing from TFA in a spot, some canon divergence (naturally)
> 
> Also, I wrote this after having forgotten my antidepressants for a couple of days so it may be a bit angsty, sorry.

Anara exited the cockpit of her x-wing after a successful air strike on Takodana. She pulled off her helmet and set it on the ladder of the ship.

There was something off about the strike. She had felt… something… on that planet. And then it was gone. Like a stolen moment.

She shook her head and looked around for Poe, seeing him running towards a man and hugging him. She raised an eyebrow and smirked, walking over only to be intercepted by rapid beeping.

“BB-8!” She said, dropping to her knee to pat the droid. “Oh, I’m so glad to see you!” She told him, listening to his response with a chuckle. “I know. You did such a good job keeping him safe. He came back and it’s all thanks to you.” She said.

Poe and the other man walked over to them. “ _Amada_ this is Finn. Finn, this is my girlfriend Anara.” He said, putting his arm around her and kissing her cheek.

She shook her head and held out her hand to the new man. “Hi, Finn. Thank you for saving him.” She said, pulling him into a hug once he accepted the handshake. “You don’t know how many people I have to beg to keep him safe from doing stupid things.”

“He’s a hero.” Finn said with admiration.

“Oh no, don’t tell him that. I’ll never hear the end of it.” She told him.

Poe laughed. “Can you please stop trying to destroy my character?” He asked her.

She turned her gaze to him. “It’s just so much fun.” She teased.

Finn watched the exchange, smirking a little. No wonder Poe had been willing to risk his life escaping from the First Order.

“Guys, I’m sorry to interrupt, but I need your help.” He said simply.

The two pilots turned to look back to him.

“What is it?” Poe asked, back to business.

Finn took a breath. “There’s a girl. She helped me get BB-8 off of Jakku. The First Order has taken her, and we need to get her back.” He told them.

Anara listened as Finn detailed everything.

“Wait… Han _Solo_?” She asked him, a pit forming in her stomach.

Poe turned to look at her curiously. “Yeah, do you know him?”

She met his eyes, a new vulnerability in them. “No… Not him.” She said softly.

Finn watched them, confused. “What about him?”

Poe shook his head at him, a subtle gesture to say not to open that can of worms. “Come on, let’s bring him down to the General.” He said, taking her hand and heading towards the entrance to the command center.

* * *

Anara stood off to the side, leaning against the wall as the droid took the piece of the map from BB-8 and plugged it into the holoscreen.

“…I’m afraid that the map that BB-8 has is only a fragment.” He said to the General.

She sighed. “It was foolish to think I could find Luke after all this time.” She said.

“Find Luke?” Anara spoke up, walking away from where she had been standing. “This has all been an attempt to find master Skywalker?!” She shouted.

Han turned to look at her. “Who is she?” He asked Leia.

The General stood unwavering. “Han, this is Anara Barnes. She trained under Luke until about four years ago.” She explained.

“Four years…” His eyes widened a little. “You knew—”

Leia stopped him. “Yeah, she knew him.”

Anara looked between the two of them. “You’re Ben’s parents.” She said in astonishment. “Why wouldn’t you tell me?” She asked, looking to Leia.

“It wasn’t relevant.” She told her, a sadness behind her eyes betraying her.

Anara let out a breath through her nose and looked at them. “We all lost someone very important to us that day.” She told them. “And the only reason I ever want to see Luke Skywalker again is to make him pay for killing him.” She said, a distant cracking made a few of the lower ranking personnel jump.

“Wait she—” Han started.

Leia silenced him with a look. “Which is why you aren’t going to be involved in this, major.” She told her. “We need him.”

Her eyes narrowed. “You didn’t want to use me because you don’t think a Jedi can change this war… Why is he so important?” She asked coolly.

Leia’s eyes narrowed. “It’s not your call, Anara.” She told her. “Dismissed.”

Anara glared. “General—”

“I said dismissed.” She told her, looking at Poe.

“Get her out of my sight.” She told him.

* * *

Han turned to Leia after the Jedi girl was almost manhandled out. “Why does she think he’s dead?” He asked.

Leia sighed and looked at him, walking off with him to a more secluded spot. “I can’t risk him turning her to the dark side.” She told him. “I know he has light in him, Han, but… I don’t know how much of a grip Snoke has that Ben would turn against him for her. Or what she would do if she had him again.”

Han smirked a little. “You underestimate how difficult it is to turn away from someone you love.” He told her.

“You did it.” She said softly.

His smirk fell away. “Leia…”

She shook her head at him. “We can get him back without her and then… Then we can tell her. I can’t risk it.” She told him.

* * *

Poe pulled Anara back to the surface when the general commanded them out.

“They’re keeping something from me.” She told him when they were away from the base. “I know it. I just don’t know what. Or why.” She said, pacing.

Poe put his hand on her arm to stop her. “Why would they need to keep something from you?” He asked her.

She looked at him. “Why did they keep the reason for the map a secret from me?” She countered. “They’re afraid of what I’ll do.”

She slumped onto a low stone. “I’m just as much a monster as Kylo Ren. They know it.”

He crouched in front of her. “You’re nothing like him.” He told her seriously. “You’ve done nothing but help the Resistance, Anara. You’ve never hurt anyone who wasn’t actively trying to hurt us.”

She sighed and glanced up at him. “Because I’ve fought the Force. But now… I can feel it again. It’s trying to claw it’s way back and it’s so easy to be seduced into the dark.” She said, taking a deep breath. “The power of the dark… I could kill him and not even bat an eye.” She whispered.

Poe had never heard her talk about it before, he let his hands fall from her knees and he stood, instinctively trying to put a bit of distance between them.

She looked up sharply. “You’re afraid of me.” She said, clenching her fists at her sides. “You’re afraid of what I can do too.”

He flinched at the accusation. “I’m afraid that I’ll lose you.” He told her.

She stood and stepped closer to him, the hurt on her face as he stepped back. “That’s not it. You’re afraid of what I’d do to you… That I’d hurt you like he did.” She said, her heart breaking. “Poe, I’d never hurt you.”

He looked down, unable to meet her gaze. “You both want to kill Luke Skywalker, Anara… It’s a fine line you’re trying to walk.” He told her. “I can’t let you do that… I’ll stop you if I have to.” He said, resolution in his eyes when they finally met hers.

She took a breath, reaching to her belt for her lightsaber.

Poe tensed but didn’t back down. She was the deadliest person on this base, he realized. She could take out the entire Resistance without breaking a sweat if she wanted.

She held it in her hand. “Skywalker told us that owning a lightsaber was owning the power of the Force.” She started. “One step to the light and you could bring down the dark, one step to the dark and you could bring down yourself.” She activated the saber and stared at it. “The crystal inside this saber is nothing special. Many of them have been found throughout the galaxy and given to other Jedi, but this one chose me. I never knew what it wanted, but it chose me to wield it’s power.” She said, moving it slowly, tossing it in the air and catching it effortlessly.

“One wrong move and you could damage more than just the opponent you were up against; you could damage yourself.” She looked at it and let a tear fall from her eyes. “I think owning mine has damaged far more precious things than myself.” She told him, deactivating it and looking at him.

“I never wanted to be a Jedi… I didn’t _ask_ for this… This burden. I just wanted to be left on my planet, with my family, but Luke Skywalker took that from me. He took Ben from me and now…” She tossed the saber to his feet. “Now I’ve lost you too.” She took a shaky breath. “I’m a monster only good at destruction… I’m no better than the First Order.”

Poe listened as she spoke, feeling tears slipping from his eyes. “Anara—” He said, reaching for her.

She lifted her hand to stop him. “No, Poe… I realize that you were never mine to have. Not really. You’re better off without me.” She said, moving past him, heading back towards the base.

“Consider this my resignation, Commander Dameron.” She told him. “I’ll be gone by morning.”

Poe stood there, letting her walk away.

* * *

Anara made it back to her quarters before finally breaking down, falling onto her bed wracked with sobs. She knew that it was only a matter of time before she lost him. She was already dead, she _had_ died four years ago at the Temple, her body just hadn’t gotten the memo.

She laid there after she had cried herself out, thinking about every nice moment she had shared with them, how cursed she was from the start.

She had been selfish when she came back from the Force, she should have just let it reclaim her like she had wanted. Then maybe she could see Ben again and finally be at peace.

She sat up, crossing her legs and taking a breath. Peace… Would she have truly been at peace if she had never met Poe? Sure, Ben had been the love of her life but … So was Poe, she realized.

She felt the same way about the pilot as she did about Ben. It wasn’t something she had planned, but when she had gone after him on Jakku she had come to the conclusion that he meant more to her than anyone.

She stood and grabbed her bag from the locker in her room, shoving the small number of belongings she had into it. It was too late now though. He already saw that she was the same as the monster from his nightmares. She had lost her love once; she could handle it again.

Or maybe she wouldn’t. That was the better option, of course. She’d leave the planet, disappear, and maybe she’d be able to let the Force take her like it wanted.

She looked around the small room, ignoring the fresh wave of tears as she remembered all of the good times she had with Poe among the walls and turned to the door, walking out of the room.

And right into him.

She looked at him. “If you’re going to say I can’t leave because I know of the location of the base, don’t worry. I won’t tell anyone.” She told him.

He met her gaze, his eyes still wet with tears. “Anara, I’m not letting you leave.” He told her simply, gripping her biceps.

“I’ve already told you. No one will be able to get the location of the base out of me. I won’t make waves for the Resistance; I’m just going to leave… Go to the outer rim, I won’t bother anyone.” She said.

“No.” He said sternly. “I’m not letting you leave because I love you. I’m not letting you leave because I don’t want to spend a moment without you.” He stated. “You said you’d come after me when I went on that mission, well it’s my turn.” He paused. “If you leave here, I’m coming after you, Anara.” He told her.

She searched his face, the truth of his words on the surface. “Why?” She asked weakly, fighting the tears.

He let go of one of her arms to cup her cheek. “Because I love you, Anara. I love you more than anything and I will fight to protect you, even if it’s from yourself.” He whispered.

She pulled away from him. “And what’s the plan, Poe? If I go to the dark side, are you going to kill me?” She asked.

He swallowed and looked at her. “If I have to. You’re not going to go to the dark side though.”

She laughed humorlessly. “No? How do you know that? I’ve already told you that I feel it calling for me. That the power to kill the man who took Ben from me is right there.”

He stepped into her space, pressing her against the door with his chest to hers. “Because I know you. You’re not the monster you think you are. You wouldn’t make me go through what you went through with him.”

She gazed into his eyes, seeing the pain and anger that his words made him feel. “I’m not the love of your life.” She whispered.

He smirked. “You are. You have been since you were in the med bay.” He said, brushing her cheek with his knuckles gently. “You told me that I didn’t know the Force, but I could take cues from it.” He recalled. “Well it’s told me since the day I carried you there, half dead, that you were the love of my life.”

She pressed her cheek into his caress, letting out a broken sob. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Then don’t leave me. Fight with me, fight with the Resistance and when this war is over, we’ll retire to a planet together.” He kissed her and grinned. “Maybe get married, have some kids?”

She looked up at him, sniffling. “Marriage? Kids? That almost sounds like a proposal.” She said, breathlessly.

He leaned in, his lips just separated from hers. “It is.”

Her breath caught in her throat. “You’re hopeless, Dameron.” She said, wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him.

He laughed and picked her up, spinning her around once. “For you, you bet.” He said, setting her down with a grin. “So, what do you say?”

She took a deep breath, her emotions and the proposal making her winded. “Yes. I’ll marry you, Poe Dameron.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The conversation between Han and Leia about Ben does happen, it just happens after the part in this story.
> 
> Work Title from Together Burning Bright by The Used  
> Chapter Title from Faithfully by Journey
> 
> Story Playlist can be found here:  
> https://music.apple.com/us/playlist/star-wars/pl.u-11zBX83H8NWJGj


	7. Take the Time to Take My Breath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We're getting there. :)

Anara stood behind Poe as they made plans to stop the First Order’s Starkiller, her uniform lacking any insignia now that she had been demoted.

_She had been surprisingly calm as they stripped her of all privileges, including her ability to fly a fighter._

_Poe had put up a fight, of course._

_“What do you mean she can’t fly anymore?” He shouted, looking at the general._

_“Poe, it’s fine. I know that you and Wexley are a better team than we are.” She told him._

_“This is nerf shit, General. You’re taking away my best pilot!” He told her._

_Leia met Anara’s eyes. “I’m sorry, Anara, but your actions have consequences around here.” She told her simply._

_“Yes, General.” She said, leading Poe away to speak with him privately._

_He looked at her. “I can’t believe that they would do this, I need you.” He told her._

_She chuckled. “No, you don’t.” She said. “We all know that I was only a pilot because they had nothing else for me to do.” She told him. “I’m hardly your best pilot, and I’m sure there’s something that I can do in the meantime.” She said._

_He scowled. “It should have been a decision made with me and the team, not something that I was told.”_

_Anara laughed, throwing her head back. “Poe… Think about this, love.” She said, taking his hands in hers. “We’re dating. Actually, we’re engaged now, I don’t think that you’re the most objective person when it comes to what I can and can’t do around here.” She pointed out to him._

_He calmed a little at hearing her say that they were engaged, smiling a little at her. “Maybe you’re right.”_

_She nodded and kissed him softly. “Don’t think that just because I can’t fly a fighter anymore, that you can do something dumb, okay?” She told him._

_He chuckled and kissed her forehead. “I promise I won’t do something dumb.”_

She listened as they made the plans, hearing Han speak about getting Finn on board the base and a plan started to form. No one would be expecting her, after all.

Once the plan had been put in place, she pulled Poe aside before he had to run off to make plans. “Poe, I’m going with them.” She said.

He set his jaw. “Anara…”

“No, don’t you understand? I’m nothing now, what can I do at this point?” She asked him seriously, a smile on her lips. “I can help Finn and Han and maybe I can take Ren down while I’m at it. The general says that a Jedi won’t change this war, but I know it can.”

He took in a breath and let it out slowly. “What about what you told me… The Dark Side?” He asked.

She smiled and squeezed his hand reassuringly. “I have you to pull me to the light. Nothing will change that now.” She said.

He shook his head and kissed her. “I don’t know anything about what you’re going to do.” He said. “I can’t know, _amada_.”

She nodded in agreement. “Be careful, Poe. _Te quiero.”_ She whispered.

“You too, _amada. Te quiero_.” He said, giving her one last lingering kiss as they parted.

* * *

“Ow!” She shouted, picking herself up from the floor in the lounge of the _Millennium Falcon,_ dusting herself off. “Who taught you how to fly?” She asked when the two men and wookie walked out after they landed on the planet.

“Kid? What are you doing here?” Han asked, looking at her warily.

She stood straighter and looked between the three. “I’m here to help Finn.” She told him. “And if I have to, distract Ren from finding out our plans.”

Han raised an eyebrow. “Yeah? How do you plan to do that?” He asked skeptically.

She unclipped the saber from her belt, the one that Poe had returned to her after their emotionally-charge proposal. “He isn’t the only one who can use the power of the Force.” She assured him.

Han glanced at Chewie then at Finn. “Fine, but that’s an absolute last resort. Anything you do goes through me first, understood?” He asked.

She nodded. “Yes, sir.” She said, following the trio out of the _Falcon_ and to the planet’s surface.

* * *

“What did he say?” Finn asked once they had found the girl, Rey.

“That it was your idea.” Rey translated, pulling Finn into a hug.

Anara smirked knowingly, standing beside Han. “People do stupid things for love, don’t they?” She whispered to him.

He snorted a laugh. “Yeah, it’s not the first time I’ve seen something like this.” He told her.

“How did you get away?” Finn asked, holding onto her tightly.

“You wouldn’t believe it if I told you.” Rey told him.

Anara stopped, a spark of something like electricity ran through her, the sensation growing as she took a step closer to them and another. “I think I can.” She said, looking at the girl when the two parted. “You used the Force, didn’t you?” She asked.

Rey looked at her startled. “Who are you?” She asked nervously.

Finn glanced between the two women. “Rey, this is Anara, she’s—”

“I’m a Jedi.” She told her, standing a bit taller. “And you, Rey, are something I didn’t think I’d ever be so happy to see.” She said, grinning.

“Can we get out of here, now?” Han asked them.

The group now headed back towards the _Falcon_ to make their escape.

As they made it to the surface, they were greeted by several x-wings being bombarded with cannon fire and chased by TIE.

Anara watched in horror. What a time to be stripped of her ability to fly. “Don’t be a hero, love.” She said, finding the black and orange fighter dodging each shot.

“They’re in trouble.” Han said, looking at them. “My friend has a bag of explosives, why don’t we use them?” He asked, heading towards the thermal oscillator.

Anara shook her head a little and followed after him, she could definitely see where Ben got his rebellion from.

She stayed behind with Finn and Rey while Han and Chewie went ahead to plant the explosives, giving them cover in case more troopers showed up.

Something changed in the air, something almost imperceptible. “Something is wrong.” She told her companions. “You two get back to the ship, I’m going after Han and Chewie.” She told them.

“Wait, no. You can’t! Han told you—” Finn started.

“I know what he told me. I also know that he’s in trouble and I need to save him.” She said. “I told Poe not to do anything stupid… I didn’t promise him the same.” She stood tall and looked at him. “If I don’t make it back tell him that I love him more than anything.” She told Finn.

He nodded. “He’s gonna kill me if you don’t come back with us.”

She shook her head. “No, he won’t. He’s too nice for that. Just… Tell him for me?”

He nodded again. “Okay.”

She smiled and looked at Rey. “Be safe. It was nice to meet you.” She told her, patting them each on the shoulder and taking off into the oscillator to find them.

* * *

Anara walked through the last door when she heard the echo of the word that stopped her dead in her tracks.

“Ben!” Han shouted.

She stared out at the platform where Han was standing, staring directly at the back of Kylo Ren. “Ben?” She asked herself quietly, moving into the shadow closer to the platform to watch. The Force was back to clawing at itself inside of her, the hum she had been feeling as she fought it starting to crescendo.

“Take off that mask, you don’t need it.” Han told him, walking closer.

“What do you think you’ll see if I do?” Ren responded, mocking him.

“The face of my son.” Han said, assuredly.

The moment was charged, the entire room full of anticipation.

Finally, Ren reached up and removed his helmet, standing there and staring at his father.

Anara stepped closer, her eyes welling with tears. He was alive? She asked herself. How could he be alive? She took in a hitched breath, unable to move forward anymore.

“Your son is gone.” Ren said. “He was weak and foolish like his father.” He said. “His uncle killed him.”

“That’s what Snoke wants you to believe.” Han said, walking closer. “My son is alive.”

He stared down his father. “No. He died. Four years ago. When Luke Skywalker killed them.”

Han met his eyes, standing only about a foot apart. “Luke didn’t kill her, Ben.” He said calmly. “She isn’t dead.”

The first flicker of emotion showed in his face. “You’re lying.”

“I’m not, son.” He said. “I’ve met her, I know she’s alive.” He took a breath. “Leave here with me, come home. I can bring you to her.”

He his hand shook a little. She was alive? The girl from the pilot’s dream… That must have been her. But how?

“We miss you.” Han added. “All of us.”

The emotion passed over his face again as everyone watched the exchange. Tears settled in his eyes as he spoke again. “I’m being torn apart. I want to be free from this pain.” He stated. “I know what I have to do, but I don’t know if I have the strength to do it. Will you help me?” He asked.

Anara felt the shift in the Force, stepping out from behind her cover and moving towards the platform.

“What is she doing?” Finn asked, seeing her appear, hidden from his sight by Han.

Rey watched them. “I don’t know.”

She felt the hum as his hand touched his saber and she reached out, pulling Han backwards on the platform just as Ren’s saber activated, the blade at an angle that clearly would’ve gone through Solo’s heart.

Anara stood there, staring him down. “You’re alive.” She said, swallowing around the lump in her throat.

Ren stared back, disbelief on his face. He had almost killed his father for his lies about her, like the version in his dream had wanted. She had wanted him to kill everyone. “Ana…” He said softly.

She stepped closer to him, Han still on the ground between them, watching the exchange. “Ben, I—” She wiped a tear from her cheek and stepped over the older man, still a few feet of distance between the two former apprentices. “You’re really alive.”

He let his saber fall from his hand, taking two large strides before he was standing in front of her. He reached out with shaking hands to cup her cheek. “I tried to find you, but I couldn’t.” He said softly. “I’m so sorry.”

She let her eyes close as he touched her. “I could never feel you through the Force. I—I tried, but you were never there.” She said through the lump. “Ben, I’ve missed you… So much.” She said.

He glanced over her shoulder at his father, watching as he stood, then back to her. “Ana…”

She opened her eyes to meet his gaze. “Come with us… Leave this place.” She whispered.

He took a breath, then another.

“He can’t keep us apart now.” She said, fisting her hands in the front of his robes, clinging to him. “Ben, please… I can’t lose you again.”

He wiped another tear from her cheek, feeling his own starting to fall. “I’m a monster, I can’t—”

She reached up and put her finger against his lips. “You can. Ben… Come with me. Come to the light.”

He broke at that, dropping the helmet, letting it fall over the edge of the platform to wrap his arms around her tightly, sobbing into her shoulder. “I’m sorry.” He said over and over.

She held onto him just as tightly, her own tears falling. “I love you.” She repeated to him.

Han watched the two, relief flooding him. He knew that Leia had been wrong, that she could bring their son back to them. “We need to get out of here.” He told the couple.

They looked at him, then back to each other.

“Let’s go.” She said, taking his hand and following Han out and towards the _Falcon_.

Ben looked back at the base for the final time as he boarded, sitting in a seat next to Anara, their hands never leaving one another.

Anara looked at him, the broken man she had never thought she’d see again. She didn’t see the same man who she had fallen in love with years ago, but she could tell… Even marred by tragedy, he was still Ben, her Ben.

He turned his head to look at her, the tears still in his eyes. He had her back, after all this time, after everything, she was alive and at his side. Why had he not felt her before now? That was a question for another time though.

He took his hand from hers and removed the thick, leather gloves, holding his hand out to her.

She looked at it, then back into his earnest expression, taking his hand without a word.

They both shuddered, a balance in the Force surrounding them as they made their retreat, the remaining x-wings close behind as the Starkiller base was destroyed behind them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Work Title from Together Burning Bright by The Used  
> Chapter Title from Dear Agony by Breaking Benjamin
> 
> Story playlist can be found here:  
> https://music.apple.com/us/playlist/star-wars/pl.u-11zBX83H8NWJGj


	8. Where He Slowly Let Me Drown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Actions have consequences

Anara sat holding Ben’s hand as he fell asleep during the journey, his head on her shoulder. She looked down at their entwined hands, remembering just how much she had missed this.

She looked over at Finn and Rey who were sitting in a similar way to her and Ben and she smiled. “So, it looks like I’m not the only one who found my love.” She commented, chuckling at their awkward blushing. “It’s okay, you know… We all need something to keep us sane during this war.”

Finn looked at her, glancing between the Jedi and the sleeping form of the former knight. “What are you going to tell Poe?” He asked her.

She looked over at Ben’s sleeping face, the innocence that his relaxed feature showed. She wondered idly how long it had been since he had been able to sleep like this. “That’s something we’ll all have to discuss.” She told him. “I honestly don’t know what the outcome is going to be.”

Rey looked at her. “So, you’re an actual Jedi?” She asked.

Anara nodded. “Well, pretty much. I was an apprentice under Luke Skywalker before the Temple was destroyed.” She told her. “I never officially completed my training, but apart from him, I’m probably the next closest person to one.”

“But Jedi are legends… I’ve heard the stories. How is it that you… and him…”? She questioned, gesturing between Anara and Ben.

Anara looked down at their entwined hands again. “Ben and I have been together for a very long time… Since we were five years old, basically.” She told her. “We were friends at first, and then it grew to affection, then love… Jedi aren’t supposed to let our emotions dictate what we do, but I was never really that great at keeping them in check.” She quietly snorted. “I was never that great at being a Jedi.”

Rey listened intently. “Wouldn’t your emotions make you more powerful?” She asked, leaning forward a little, desperate for more information.

Anara shrugged the shoulder that wasn’t being used as a pillow. “Not really. It’s hard to find the balance in the force if you let your emotions blind you. Things like love are easily manipulated if the wrong person wants your power.” She said, looking at Ben briefly. “If someone wants to control you, they can take what you love away.”

Rey leaned back, squeezing Finn’s hand a little. “I understand.” She said softly. “You said I used the Force to escape from the First Order, how did I do that?” She asked.

Anara met her eyes a moment. “I’m not exactly sure. You have an aura of the Force about you, it’s obvious to anyone who also has it. What is it that you did exactly?”

She thought back. “I told the stormtrooper guarding me to release me from the restraints and leave with the door open.” She told her. “It didn’t work at first, but then all of the sudden it did. He let me go.”

Anara listened. “I’m impressed. You changed his mind. It’s a very powerful thing to be able to do.” She told her. “You are a natural.”

“Like you?” She pressed. “I can use the Force?”

She chuckled, “I’m not a natural, but I think so.” She nodded. “Are your reflexes quick? Quicker than anyone else you know? Are you able to make things happen, hear things you shouldn’t?”

Rey’s eyes widened a little. “Yes.”

Anara smirked. “That’s what I thought. You are strong with the Force, Rey. You would’ve made a great Jedi.”

“Can you teach me?” She asked her.

She was startled by the question. “Me? I’ve already said that I’m not that great…”

“Don’t let her lie to you.” Ben said, opening his eyes and sitting up. “She is a great Jedi. She would teach you well.”

Anara’s eyes locked with his. “We both know who the better apprentice was.” She said simply.

“I was seduced by the power. I’m not anyone’s first choice for Jedi training.” He said.

She sighed a little and turned back to Rey. “I can teach you some of what I know.” She agreed.

Rey’s smile seemed to light up the entire lounge area they were in.

* * *

The Falcon landed at the Resistance base, the passengers walking off.

Leia waited there, smiling softly when she saw Han exit first. “You did it.” She said.

He smiled a little. “I didn’t do anything but almost get myself killed.” He told her.

Anara stood with him on the ship, holding both of his hands. “You can do this, Ben.” She said, sensing his fear.

His eyes met hers, “They’re going to put me in a cell, you know.” He told her simply.

She smirked and kissed his cheek. “We’ll see, now go.” She said.

He dropped one of her hands, keeping the other firmly in his as they made their way off the ship.

Leia looked away from where she was having a conversation with Han and Chewie to see Ben. “Ben.” She said, moving towards him.

Ben stopped at the end of the ramp, looking at Leia. “Mom.” He said, finally letting Anara go to rush over and pull her into a hug.

Leia hugged him tightly, tears of joy running down her face. “Welcome home.” She said.

He clung to her, crumpling under the weight of the things he had done for the First Order.

* * *

Poe had landed shortly before the _Falcon_ , hopping out to go see how the mission had gone for his friends.

He walked over, seeing Anara standing a short distance apart from the group and staring at the tall man in all black hugging the General. He tensed, watching him angrily.

Anara caught movement out the corner of her eye and turned, seeing Poe standing there as if he’d been turned to stone.

She walked over to him, putting her hand on his arm. “Poe?” She asked.

“What is _he_ doing here?” He asked her, his eyes still trained on the former knight.

She glanced back at the group, watching Ben wipe tears from his eyes as he said something to Leia and Han.

She looked back at Poe. “He came with me.” She said softly.

He finally looked away from the scene to meet her eyes. “Why would he do that?” He asked.

She took a breath. “Because, Poe… He’s Ben.” She told him softly.

Poe’s stomach dropped at that news, looking at the face of his fiancée and seeing the joy. “Ben as in…”

“As in that Ben, yes.” She told him.

He nodded and swallowed. Ben… Her first love… The love of her life… Her soulmate if such a thing existed. “So… That’s him, huh?” He asked, falling back on snark as his defense. “Could’ve done better than a whiny man baby, but who am I to judge.”

She dropped her hand from him. “Poe, I… Nothing has changed between us.” She said, seeing the betrayal on his face.

He looked at her, hiding the hurt in him. “No? You mean to tell me that you’re going to stay with me when you have him here making moon eyes at you all the time?” He asked, gesturing to where Ben had been doing just that.

She didn’t turn to look at him, keeping her eyes on Poe. “Poe… I’m engaged to you… I’m not giving you up.”

“So, what’s the plan then?” He asked, pulling away from her. “You’re going to stay with me while Ben moves on? Do you think I’m going to believe that?” He asked.

She stared in awe at him. “Poe… Why are you being like this?” She asked, hurt by his reaction.

He swallowed and looked away from her eyes, finding his nerve. “Because I always knew that I was second best to him; his memory. Now that you have him back, you’re clearly going to go back to him.” He said simply.

She bristled at that. “I never said—”

“You didn’t have to, Anara. I’ve always known that you love him more than you ever loved me.” He was trying to protect his heart from the inevitable devastation. She’d probably be nice about it too, telling him that she’d always love him, but he couldn’t let that happen. “I’ll save you the conversation and just bow out now.” He told her, turning and walking away from her.

She stood there for a moment before running after him, putting her hand on his shoulder. “Poe, I don’t… I love you. Please don’t do this.” She begged. “You told me that you would come after me.”

He tensed at her touch. “That was before I saw you with someone you’d rather be with.” He stepped out of her touch. “We had our fun, let’s just leave it at good memories.” He told her.

She lowered her hand to her side. “Is that all I am to you?” She asked calmly. “Fun and good memories?”

He kept his back to her so that she couldn’t see the obvious lie on his face. “We both needed something to pass the time, didn’t we?” He asked, walking away.

* * *

Anara didn’t chase after him this time, standing there in shock at his words. Had that been all she was to him? His admissions of love, the care he took in helping her overcome her pain and emotions, his marriage proposal… Was it all just ways to string her along until the war was over?

She walked back over to where she had left Ben, lost in thought.

The sound of locking mechanisms engaging broke her from her spiraling thoughts, and she saw Aiden, her best friend outside of Poe, clamping restraints on Ben’s wrists behind his back.

“What’s going on?” She asked, looking at the General.

Ben smiled sadly. “It seems that they are putting me in prison for war crimes against the Republic.” He told her calmly.

She gawped at them. “What? No, he… He was under Snoke’s control, this isn’t fair!” She said, taking a step towards them.

“Ana, don’t.” He said, stopping her. “I accept what I’ve done.”

Aiden looked between the two of them curiously and then back to the General. “How would you like me to handle this, General?” She asked.

Leia sighed and nodded as another army captain walked over with his own restraints. “I’m sorry, Anara, but… You’re going to join him.” She told her.

Anara stared in shock as a restraint was clasped around her wrist. She didn’t fight him but stared at Leia confused. “What? What have I done?” She asked.

“Mom—” Ben pleaded with her.

“Anara Barnes, you are charged with crimes against the Resistance, leaving base without orders is considered AWOL and will be dealt with.” She said. “You’ve also threatened commanding officers and abused your power.” She continued.

Anara felt numb at that, being marched alongside Ben towards the cells below the planet. She had gotten Ben back, but now they were both to stand trial for crimes against her friends. She let them remove her lightsaber from her hip and then the restraints, walking into the cell in a haze.

She sat on the cot, looking down at her hands. She had gotten him back, but she had lost him just as quickly… She had lost Poe… She lost everything worth fighting for. She took in a hitched breath, her shock refusing to produce tears. Poe had been wrong when he had told her that she was wrong. She was so very good at destroying things.

* * *

Leia watched as the duo were marched below and into the base to their cells.

“Don’t you think that you were harsh to her?” Han asked. “She did bring Ben back to the light.”

She turned to look at him. “I know, and I will pardon her eventually, but she did also disobey orders and her actions have consequences.” She told him. “Just because she’s a Jedi, doesn’t mean she isn’t also part of the Resistance.”

Han shook his head. “What about Ben?” He asked.

She took a beat before answering, thinking about it. “We’ll have to see if he’s still under Snoke’s control before we can say for sure.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Work Title from Together Burning Bright by The Used  
> Chapter Title from Heavy In Your Arms by Florence + The Machine
> 
> Story Playlist can be found here:  
> https://music.apple.com/us/playlist/star-wars/pl.u-11zBX83H8NWJGj


	9. And Nothing Else Matters

Ben laid out on the cot in his cell, his arms folded behind his head. _‘So, this isn’t the homecoming I was hoping for.’_ He said, hoping that Anara would hear him. He could feel her in the Force again; she was right on the other side of the stone wall.

Anara was leaned against the wall, sitting instead of laying down. _‘I sure wasn’t expecting to be imprisoned.’_ She told him. _‘I went with them to protect them in case you decided to go after them. I thought that my expertise with a lightsaber would be valuable.’_

He chuckled. _‘I’d like to see you try. I could always predict your moves.’_ He taunted.

She didn’t respond to that, instead she went back to her thoughts.

He waited a few minutes before sitting up. _‘Ana?’_

 _‘Yes, Ben?’_ She asked, the sadness coming across even in her thoughts.

His heart broke a little at the emotion she was transmitting through to him. _‘He means a lot to you, doesn’t he? The pilot?’_

She wiped at a tear and nodded even though he couldn’t see her. _‘More than I mean to him, I suppose.’_

 _‘What did he say to you?’_ He asked. _‘I felt your emotions when you were speaking to him… What did he tell you?’_

She let out a sob that he heard through the bars of their cells. _‘It doesn’t matter.’_

He stood and walked to the bars closest to her cell. “Ana…” He said softly. “What did he say?” He asked aloud.

She pulled her knees to her chest. “We were engaged.” She told him, sniffling. “But when he saw you and I told him who you were… He… He ended things. He said that I would go back to you and that we both just needed something to pass the time.”

The selfish part of him was pleased to hear that. The pilot wasn’t a threat to him, he would easily be able to get Anara back if they both weren’t killed for their crimes. The other part of him, however, hurt for her. He didn’t want to stand in the way if she truly loved him, which seemed to be the case. The third part of him was angry, angry that someone else thought that they could have her. _‘I’m sorry, sweetheart.’_ He settled on.

She closed her eyes, letting her head fall back against the wall. _‘You didn’t do anything, Ben. It’s all my fault.’_

“How is it your fault?” He asked aloud.

She jumped and opened her eyes to see him standing in front of her. “What are you doing?” She asked.

He shrugged and sat next to her. “I wanted to see you.”

She put her hand in his. “It’s my fault because I gave away a heart that I didn’t have possession of anymore.” She told him. “It was yours; it’s always been yours, but I gave it to him too. I selfishly thought that I could give my heart away twice.”

He sighed and wrapped his arm around her. “It will all work out.” He told her softly.

“If the two of us don’t die in the process.” She said bitterly.

He chuckled. “There is that. If we both die though… I’ll wait for you on the other side.” He said, leaning in to press his lips to hers.

She sighed and kissed back, falling back into the embrace like she hadn’t been without it for years. _‘I’ve missed you so much.’_ She whispered.

 _‘I’ve missed you too.’_ He replied, resting his forehead against hers.

* * *

Poe walked the halls of the base after he walked away from Anara on the surface, his eyes and cheeks pink from the unshed tears.

He wanted this; _he_ ended it. There was no way he could win against Ben, the man she had almost committed suicide over so why was he so upset? Maybe because he had broken her heart? Maybe it was because in order to keep himself from the heartbreak of losing her, he pushed her away effectively losing her? Maybe because he was the bad person and his competition was a mass murdering dickhead. “Stupid, stupid, stupid.” He muttered to himself as he paced.

Aiden walked past him in the hallway, noticing that he had been down the same hallway several times already. “Hey, Dameron.” She said, turning to catch up to him. She fell in step easily at his side. “What’s got you all turned around?” She asked.

He didn’t look at her. “I’m not in the mood right now, Evans.” He muttered.

“Oh great, we have two of you.” She groaned.

“Two of me?” He asked. That made him look up at her. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

She met his eyes. “Anara is being all moody too.” She explained.

He looked back down at the floor as they turned down another hallway. “Yeah, well… She’ll get over it now that Mr. Perfect is back.” He said with a heavy dose of bitterness.

She shrugged. “Yeah, maybe. Except if he gets executed.” She told him off-handedly.

That made Poe stop all together to look at her, confusion written on his face. “What?”

She stopped and turned, having taken a few steps ahead. “Yeah, General Organa made me walk him and Anara down to the cells a few hours ago.” She told him, looking kind of awkward. “Not that I really wanted to put my friend in the brig, but when your C.O. tells you to do something, you do it.”

Poe raised a hand to stop her. “Wait, Anara is in the brig?” He asked, even more confused than he had been a second ago. “Aiden… Start from the beginning, will you?”

She heaved a sigh. “Come on, let’s go get a drink from the canteen and I’ll explain everything.” She said, heading down the hallway they had been walking through.

* * *

Poe was seated at one of the tables while Aiden got them both something to drink.

She walked back over and set the two cups and a bottle down on the table before taking her seat.

Poe waited, bouncing his leg up and down impatiently as she poured them each a large portion of the dark alcohol in the bottle. “Okay, will you tell me now?” He asked.

She raised a hand and took a long swig of the drink, wincing a little as she swallowed. “Uh, that tastes like Wampa piss.” She grumbled, glaring at the contents of the cup before downing the rest of it in a big gulp.

He let out a loud breath through his nose, his eyes narrowed at her. “Evans, if you don’t start talking, I’m going to break the bottle over your head.”

She raised an eyebrow at him and picked the bottle up, pouring another drink into her cup. “I’d like to see you try, Fly Boy.” She said, setting the bottle down and staring at him. “Okay, I’ll start at the beginning.” She told him.

“While you were having your fight with your girlfriend, Kylo Ren was detailing all of his crimes to the General who—get this—is his MOM.” She told him, waving her hands a little. “He insists that she lock him up for what he’s done and of course, being his mom, she says that she doesn’t want to do that.” She sipped at her drink before continuing. “So, he tells her that he had almost shoved his lightsaber through that hot older guy’s chest who is apparently his dad, which… I could’ve lived out the rest of my days without considering that the General had had sex but whatever—”

Poe listened intently, trying to silently will her to hurry to the part about them ending up in the brig.

“Anyway, so she finally agrees after hearing that because _apparently_ , she’s still holding a torch over that guy, I think his name is Han. Well so she calls me over to arrest him and as I’m getting my restraints out, she tells me that she’s also having Anara court marshalled!” She paused to glare a little at that, apparently, she didn’t like the idea of having to arrest her best friend any more than Poe liked hearing that it happened.

Poe also glared at that. Of course, Kylo Ren would get her in trouble. “Of _course_ he would.” He finished aloud, gripping the metal cup tightly in his hands.

Aiden raised an eyebrow again at him. “Yeah, well… I couldn’t handle them both, not with them being Force users. I didn’t know what they were capable of, so Steve, my partner, comes over to put the restraints on her.” She finished off her cup of liquor and poured another. “Kylo Ren begged the General not to arrest her, but I guess killing a bunch of innocent civilians and all of the Republic doesn’t get you your way.” She said simply. “So, Steve and I march them down to the brig and that’s where we left them.”

Poe let out the breath he didn’t realize that he was holding. “So she’s being court marshalled?” He asked.

Aiden nodded. “Yeah, that’s what the General said.”

“What are her charges exactly?” He asked.

Aiden thought for a minute. “Going AWOL and crimes against the Resistance?”

Poe stood, draining his cup and slamming it down. “I’m going to talk to the General.”

Aiden grabbed the sleeve of his flight uniform and pulled him back into his seat. “I don’t think so, Dameron.” She told him. “I’m really not in the mood to arrest more of my friends today.”

He pulled his shirt from her. “I’m not letting her rot in the brig, Aiden.” He said angrily.

She sighed and pulled her blaster from her holster and set it on the table. “Poe, don’t make me hurt you.” She said, exasperated. “You’re my friend, and your face is pretty. I’d _really_ hate to have to mess it up.”

He grit his teeth and glared at her. “So you’re going to shoot me if I go to the General?” He dared.

She made a face and shrugged. “Maybe, maybe not. I just think that it’s not really a good time to go to her about letting a prisoner free what with her and the others trying to come up with a plan to evacuate the base and all. Also, I really don’t want you around Anara since you made her cry.” She told him, meeting his eyes with a steely look.

He stared at her, the malice leaving him. “It’s not as simple as making her cry, Aiden.” He said.

She fiddled with her blaster a little as she sipped from her drink. “It never is, but I’ve had a really trying day already, and I’ve answered your questions so why don’t you answer mine now.” She said, giving him no time to argue.

He leaned back in his chair. “What do you want to know?” He asked, pushing his empty cup towards her.

She poured him another. “I want you to tell me why I shouldn’t shoot you on behalf of her. Come on, Dameron, she’s head over heels for you and you did something to make her upset.”

He looked down at the dark liquid swirling around in the cup. “I asked her to marry me.” He said quietly.

Aiden blinked in surprise. “Okay… And she said no or something?” She asked.

“No, she said yes.” He explained sadly.

Aiden huffed in annoyance. “And what… You wanted her to say no? That’s easily the worst thing I could’ve heard.”

His eyes shot up to meet hers. “What? No! Of course I wanted her to say yes! I want to retire from the Resistance and have a dozen kids who I will also teach to be pilots like me.” He told her, slamming back his drink.

“That’s incredibly disgusting.” She said, making a face. “If she said yes, and you _wanted_ her to say yes, then why does it look like you had your heart pulled out and fed to a Sarlacc?”

He looked back down, the ache he had been ignoring in favor of anger at the General resurfacing. “Because… She doesn’t love me. Not like she loves him.” He admitted.

“Him who?” She asked.

“Kylo Ren—Well… Ben Solo, I guess, is what his real name is.” He muttered bitterly.

Aiden stared at him for several long, silent moments before rearing back and punching him hard in the arm.

“Ow! What was that for?” He asked, rubbing his arm.

She reared back and punched him again. “You absolute moron!” She shouted, getting the attention of the several other canteen patrons.

He glared at her, ducking back in his chair to dodge her third strike. “Stop hitting me!” He said. “Or at least tell me why you’re hitting me.”

She leaned in across the table towards him. “Because, Dameron, Barnes is so in love with you, that she is being. Court. Marshalled.”

He stared at her. “What?”

Aiden groaned in the back of her throat and sat back. “You, you dummy, are the reason she’s charged with crimes against the Resistance!” She said, slamming her hand down on the table. “She almost committed treason when you didn’t come back from your mission, to go and get you. She basically told the General that she was going after you whether she liked it or not.”

His eyes widened a little. “Is that why she was stripped of her rank?” He asked.

“Yeah… That’d be the reason.” She said, finishing off the last of her liquor. “She seems to have poor self-control when it comes to things important to her.” She told him. “She also has really poor taste in men.” She added pointedly.

Poe’s jaw dropped a little. He had left her after she sacrificed that much for him. He hadn’t even put up a fight for her, he had said…

He stood again suddenly.

Aiden looked up at him. “If you’re planning on going to the General, I swear to the _stars_ —”

“I’m going to her.” He said, determined.

She stood and put her hand on her blaster. “You are not, Dameron. You’ve broken her heart enough for one day.”

He clenched his fists and leaned on them over the table, daring her. “Try to stop me, Evans, because I’m willing to fight anyone who keeps us apart.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Title from Nothing Else Matters by Godsmack (cover of Metallica)
> 
> playlist can be found here:  
> https://music.apple.com/us/playlist/star-wars/pl.u-11zBX83H8NWJGj


	10. Nobody Said It Was Easy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A plan is hatched

The soft sound of hard-soled boots jolted Anara from sleep. She had finally fallen into a light sleep only an hour ago, her hand pressed against the stone wall that separated her cell from Ben’s.

She sat up and looked out the bars, blinking a little in the dim light. “Hello?” He asked softly, feeling nothing from the other side of the wall indicating that Ben was probably still asleep.

Finn stepped out of the shadows and walked up to the bars. “Anara.” He said, looking nervous. “I’m sorry about all this.” He said, gesturing to the captivity.

She walked up to him. “Hey, Finn.” She said, hugging her arms to her chest. She hadn’t realized how cold it was in the cells. She shivered and shrugged a little. “It’s what I deserve, I guess.”

He shrugged off his jacket and passed it through to her. “You’re cold, here.” He said, sweetly.

She looked at it, reaching out for a moment before stopping. “No… Thank you.” She said, letting her hand fall.

He raised an eyebrow. “He’d want you to have it.” He said, holding it out to her again pointedly. He could see from her face why she hadn’t wanted to accept the jacket.

She caved at that, taking it and shrugging it on. It still smelled like Poe a little and she tamped down the tears. “You didn’t come here to just bring me a jacket, Finn. What’s wrong?” She asked.

He glanced at the cell beside her briefly. “I have a plan… to take down the rest of the First Order.” He told her, a bold determination in his tone.

She folded her arms over her chest again. “And you came to me with it? Finn, as a former Stormtrooper, you do realize that being in a cell is the opposite of a command position, right?” She asked him, hearing a chuckle from the other side of the cell wall.

He gave her an unimpressed look. “Yes, I know that, but… I need your help.” He said.

“What do you want me to do?” She asked.

He looked at the cell over. “I actually need both of you to help.”

Ben stood and walked over, his presence engulfing the room. “What do you want us to do?” He asked.

Finn looked between the two. “I want the three of us to infiltrate the Supremacy and take down General Hux and the Supreme Leader.”

Ben inhaled sharply through his nose. “Hux isn’t that difficult to dispose of, but the Supreme Leader would see us coming a mile away.”

“Not if we work together. You and Anara can both use the Force… There’s no way he could stop two Force users.” He responded, starting a bickering match between the two.

Anara listened quietly to the exchange. Kill Snoke? If they did that, then Ben would truly be free of the Dark Side’s clutches. Maybe even be pardoned for helping the Resistance. “I’ll do it.” She told him, breaking out of her thoughts.

The two men stopped their bickering and looked at her.

“Anara… You don’t know what you’re agreeing to.” Ben said, a hint of fear in his voice.

She put her hand on the stone wall as if to touch him through it. “I know enough.” She said softly. _‘Trust me.’_ She whispered to him through their connection.

He straightened and put his hand on the wall as well. “We go together or not at all.” Ben told the former trooper in front of them.

Finn smiled. “I’ll bring it to the General.”

* * *

Anara stood next to Ben in the command center, her hands shackled in front of her.

“No.” Leia said at Finn’s proposal. “Why would we want to send the two of them into Snoke’s clutches again?” She asked.

Anara looked at her. “We are more than able to do this, General.” She said, ignoring the looks that Poe was giving her. “It’s a fairly simple mission.”

She looked at her and then Ben. “No.” She said with a disbelieving laugh. “Absolutely not.”

Ben met her gaze. “Mom… We can do this. You don’t have to be afraid. We can end it. Let us go.” He pleaded with her.

She set her jaw and looked at them. “You were just freed from him—” She said softly.

Anara stepped forward towards Leia. “General, I can assure you… I would guard him with my life.” She told her honestly.

Poe tensed at that, noting angrily the poorly veiled look of joy on Ben’s face.

Leia looked at them. “Fine, but you have a window.” She told them. “If you don’t succeed within two months, we’re pulling you out.” She stated sternly.

They nodded at her in unison.

“Yes, General.” Anara said, stepping back to stand back beside her fellow prisoner.

* * *

Poe watched them, seething. Ben and Anara were standing next to one another, almost touching. He couldn’t believe that the man who had tortured him, that Anara had said she would _kill_ _for him_ , would be able to walk in like this and just have her heart back. It wasn’t fair.

Yeah, so maybe he had finished off that bottle of cheap liquor with Aiden and was a little drunk, but still. He didn’t have to see her move on so quickly.

His arms remained crossed over his chest as he stood on the other side of the holoscreen with Han, Rey, and Chewie as Finn detailed his plan to get them all onboard the _Supremacy_ and take down what remained of the First Order. It was a solid plan, Poe thought, but why did it involve bringing Anara into it? Potentially corrupting her to the Dark Side if that bastard Kylo Ren decided he wanted to go back over?

 _“I can assure you… I will guard him with my life.”_ He heard Anara say, her earnest expression telling the entire group that she meant it. If it was down to getting him back to the Resistance or getting herself back, she would sacrifice herself for him. It made Poe’s chest ache.

He watched her as the General relented and started to detail the mission to them. She looked tired; her eyes were rimmed with pink. He realized that she looked that way because of him. His chest ached for another reason.

He noticed that she was wearing a jacket, one that was slightly too big for her but suited her well. He glanced over at Finn and noticed he was in a simple black shirt and pants. _Oh…_ She had on Poe’s old flight jacket, the one he had let Finn keep.

Seeing her in his clothes was like a punch to the chest, knocking the wind out of him. He had woken up many times over the course of the years they were together to see her in his shirts, laying on the bed beside him. She always loved wearing his jacket the most, some of his favorite moments were coming back from training exercises with some of the other squad leaders to find her asleep on his bed, curled up with his jacket on.

* * *

Ben’s eyes went to the pilot after Anara had said that she would protect him. The other man was projecting his thoughts so loudly, he was surprised that half of the galaxy couldn’t hear him.

His eyes narrowed a little as he listened in, feeling the resentment, the anger, the longing…

Ben purposely stepped closer to Anara so that their arms were brushing against one another. _‘I won’t let you hurt her again.’_ He said, watching as the pilot’s eyes flicked to meet his, a look of pure hatred in them.

Anara could hear both of the men, trying desperately to listen to the General’s mission briefing, but her eyes followed the silent conversation the two men she loved were having.

 _‘You have room to talk. You’re walking her into certain death.’_ Poe said nastily.

Ben squared his shoulders. _‘I can protect her. I **will** protect her.’_

Poe sneered at him. _‘You’re nothing but a monster. She’ll see that and come back to me.’_

 _‘I may be a monster, but at least I’ve never broken her heart on purpose to save myself some heartache.’_ He fired back.

Poe physically took a step towards him.

Anara took a breath. “Stop!” She said out loud, startling everyone. “Just… Stop it.” She told them, looking between Ben and Poe, clearly upset at the exchange.

“ _Amada_.” Poe said, taking a step toward her automatically, his instinct to console her.

She held her hands up, still bound in the restraints. “No. Just… Leave.” She told him. “Ben and I have a mission to prepare for and you are a distraction.” She said, her shaking breaths were the only thing betraying her emotions. “You aren’t needed here, Commander.” She told him.

Leia looked between the three of them, hoping that the emotions surrounding the three of them wouldn’t get any of them killed.

Poe stared deeply into Anara’s eyes for a long moment, the hurt apparent in them. This could easily be the last time he saw her alive… And she was kicking him out. He swallowed thickly and nodded, walking out of the room.

She let out a breath that she hadn’t realized she was holding. “My apologies, General.” She said, looking at her. “Please continue.”

Leia watched her face for a moment. “Barnes, if your emotions are—”

“My emotions will only convince Snoke that I can be corrupted.” She told her, glancing to the door that Poe had walked out of. “I still have something to pull me to the Light despite them.”

Ben noticed the glance, frowning a little. After what he put her through, the _pilot_ was her draw to the light?

She felt the annoyance coming from Ben at her side and reached up to put her hand on his, trying to settle him. _‘Not here.’_ She whispered in his mind.

* * *

Poe was standing at his X-wing with BB-8 chirping and beeping around him. “I know.” He told him. He said, fiddling with something in the engine.

“You’re putting the coupler in backwards.” A voice said from behind him.

He cursed and dropped the part he had in his hand, turning around. “Anara… What are you doing here?” He asked. “Why are you not in your cell?”

She took that to mean that he would rather see her locked away. “We’re about to leave.” She said, rubbing her wrists where they were slightly pink from the hours she had stood in command with the restraints on.

“Why are you here?” He asked again, turning his back to her again so he didn’t have to see the hollow look in her eyes when she was near him.

She wrapped her arms around herself. “I wanted to talk to you before we left.” She said softly.

He sighed. “What for?” He asked, picking the part up and going back to the engine.

She swallowed; her mouth suddenly dry. “I know that you were just saying those things to Ben earlier to bait him because you’re angry.” She told him. “But… You chose to break it off with me.” She said, her voice breaking as if the words caused her actual pain. “You don’t—You don’t get to say things like that to someone who has never hurt me.”

Poe gripped the part in his hand, slamming it down and turning to her. “Never hurt you?” He shouted, stalking over to pull her shirt to the side, exposing the top of the large scar on her right side. “He almost _killed_ you, Anara! You almost killed yourself because of _him_!” He said, a fire behind his eyes. “How can you say that he’s never hurt you?!”

She pulled away from him, reaching up to pull her shirt back over the scar, breathing heavily. She had never seen Poe this angry before. Not even when one of their own was shot down. “It wasn’t his fault I almost joined the Force!” She shouted back, tears sliding down her cheeks. “My heart couldn’t take living without someone I loved!” She said. “Do you think that I wouldn’t do the same thing right now if given the choice?” She asked, letting out a choked sob. “You are my call to the Light, Poe! You… You kept me alive.” She said, wiping her eyes.

He clenched his teeth together. “Well now you have him back. He can be your reason.” He said emotionlessly.

Her stomach dropped to her feet. “You stupid, _stupid_ man.” She berated, stripping off the jacket she was still wearing and threw it at his feet. “I love you so much, Poe Dameron.” She whispered, unclipping her lightsaber and tossed it on top of the jacket. “You will always be my call to the Light, even if you don’t love me.” She said, turning and walking away from him.

He held himself still, fighting every impulse to chase after her. He wanted to wrap his arms around her and kiss her breathless, tell her that he was an idiot and he wanted to be with her until the end of the galaxy.

He didn’t, though. He chose to let her walk to the ship that they would be using to get back to the First Order, a scrap heap that looked like they could’ve stolen it to get away. She would be better off forgetting him and focusing only on Ben. The mission was dangerous enough without her being distracted by him.

He crouched and picked up the lightsaber, activating it and looking at the golden amber glow of the blade, swaying it back and forth a little. He deactivated it after a moment and looked at the hilt, the small handle was a dark grey, but there was a scratched pattern on there that looked fairly new, a shiny metal color in the midst of the dark. It hadn’t been there the day she had almost walked out of his life completely of her own accord.

The weapon slipped from his grip as he read the scratched in inscription, his knees hitting the ground with a stunned thud. _‘Te quiero, Amada.’_ It read.

“What have I done?” He asked aloud.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Title from The Scientist by Coldplay
> 
> Story Playlist can be found here:  
> https://music.apple.com/us/playlist/star-wars/pl.u-11zBX83H8NWJGj


	11. I Really Fucked It Up This Time

Anara boarded the small craft that would take her away from the Resistance base, possibly for the last time. She stopped at the edge of the ramp, turning one last time to see Poe standing near his fighter. A breeze blew around her from the lake, seeping into her bones through the thin material of her shirt. She wished she still had his jacket, but she couldn’t… She’d likely never see it again if she wore it onto a First Order ship.

Ben walked down the ramp to where she stood, his full uniform back on. He stopped and followed her gaze to where the pilot was on his knees, holding her lightsaber in his hands. He saw the amber glow as it activated, remembering the day she had shown him the color. “Come on, Ana… We need to get going.” He said softly, offering his hand to her.

She turned her head to him after a moment, placing her shaking hand in his.

He led her back onto the ship, settling her into the copilot seat and sat in the pilot’s seat. He started preparing the ship to depart, ignoring the pain he was feeling. It wasn’t the pain from Anara, however, though he did feel her pain through their connection. It was the pain of knowing that she was so heartbroken over the pilot.

He lifted the ship off the ground, locking onto the coordinates of where the _Supremacy_ was holding. He reached over and took her hand, meeting her gaze. “He isn’t worthy of you.” He told her.

She started to cry, pulling her hand away to cover her face with them.

Finn walked into the cockpit to see her body shaking with sobs. “What did you do?” He asked Kylo, hurrying to her side.

He glared at him. “I didn’t do anything. It was all your pilot friend.” He said irritably.

Finn shook his head and crouched next to Anara. “Hey… Anara… Come on, don’t cry.” He tried to soothe.

She looked up at him, her eyes still swimming with tears. “Y-you don’t understand.” She said, trying to catch her breath.

Ben put the ship on autopilot and reached over, effectively pushing Finn out of the way to pull her into his lap, holding her tightly. “Shh, Ana.” He said, running his fingers through her hair gently. He remembered how much she had liked when he used to do it back at the Temple.

She leaned into him, clutching the edge of his cape tightly. She eventually cried herself out, calmed somewhat by the feel of his fingers in her hair and the close proximity.

Ben looked at Finn who had moved into the copilot seat to watch over them. “Can you give us a minute?” He asked.

Finn set his jaw but nodded, not entirely trusting of the man. “I’ll be in there.” He said, pointing his thumb into the passenger part of the ship.

Ben waited until he was sure they were relatively alone to push her back from his chest a little to look into her eyes, searching for something in them. “You think he never loved you.” He said, pulling the thoughts from her without even trying. “Ana…”

She purposely looked away to stop him from looking further. “Why do you care, Ben?” She asked. “You don’t want me to be with him anyway.” She said.

He pressed his lips together in a thin line. “I care because you’re hurting.” He told her. “I always care about you.”

She wiped her face, removing the last remnants of tears for Poe. “I’m so… conflicted.” She admitted to him.

He wrapped his arms tightly around her, holding her to him. It was the first time he’d been able to do it in years and he relished it. “What are you conflicted about?” He asked her.

She rested her face against his chest. “I love him, but I love you too.” She whispered into his chest.

His heart felt full at that admission. She still loved him after all this time. He’d never tire of hearing it. He sat back a little to hook his finger under her chin, lifting it so that he could meet her eyes again. He gazed into them for a long moment. “He is a fool if he doesn’t feel the same.” He said, leaning in to kiss her.

She gasped and kissed him back softly. When they had done so in the cells, when he had come to her as a Force projection, she had kissed him, but it was nothing like the real thing. She felt her heart seemingly stutter in her chest.

Her arms draped over his shoulders, one hand going to his hair to grab a fistful, holding him to her as she deepened the kiss a little.

A chuckle rumbled in his chest. _‘I would rather you be happy than be the only one to have you.’_ He admitted to her without breaking the contact with her lips.

A single tear slid from her eyes. _‘You’re the only one that loves me.’_ She replied.

He pulled away for breath, resting his forehead against hers, his eyes closed. “That isn’t true. I know that idiot pilot of yours loves you.”

She shook her head, bringing her lips back to his to silence him. _‘If he did, he wouldn’t have broken my heart.’_

He pulled her to him tighter, almost uncomfortably close. _‘I did say he was an idiot.’_

* * *

Poe sat on his knees with the saber in his hand for a long time after they had left, rereading the etched words to himself… _Te quiero, amada… Te quiero, amada… I love you, beloved…_ The words he spoke to her so often were staring back at him. Mocking him.

She had told him the significance of the color of her saber once, how it was a way to keep Ben close to her, even when they were apart… She couldn’t change the saber’s crystal, but she could add his words. She had done it; she had proven her devotion to him in the most permanent way she could.

And he had let her leave without telling her how he felt. She had left thinking that he didn’t love her. He was so incredibly _stupid_.

He would have to show her when she got back just how much he loved her; and damn _Ben_ if he tried to stand in his way this time.

Reality came crashing down around him. She might not return. She had said that she would protect Ben with her life if she needed to. If they found her out, she’d be killed too.

He took in a shaking breath, turning to see BB-8 beeping inquisitively at him. “I know... I’m stupid.” He replied, standing with the saber held firmly in his hand. He scooped up his jacket from the floor and headed inside with a determination to his stride.

He headed into the officer’s lounge; the place crowded in the late afternoon while they awaited the final preparations to move the base off-planet. He saw Aiden sitting next to a large, muscular sandy blonde, his arm around her shoulders as he laughed at something one of the other officers said.

Poe stalked over to them, one hand gripping the saber, the other the jacket. “Rogers, I need you to get a message to someone.” He told him without a greeting.

The blonde turned his head to look up at him. “Hi Dameron, nice of you to stop by.” He said in a way that could be sarcastic or genuine, no one was ever quite sure.

Poe looked between Aiden and Steve, sitting in a vacant chair next to them. “Sorry, but I need your help.” He told him quietly. “I need you to get a message to a contact of mine about a job.”

The two army captains exchanged a glance, having a silent conversation in the span of a few moments.

“What kind of message?” He asked, leaning in to keep their conversation relatively private.

Poe took a breath. “I need to reach a Mandalorian.”

* * *

Poe was seated in a cantina two planets away from the Resistance base. He had snuck off as soon he had gotten word that his contact had arranged a meeting.

The door to the cantina opened and in walked an armored figure, scanning the room as it momentarily fell silent.

Poe finished off the drink he ordered and met the helmet’s gaze, sitting back in his seat when the figure started towards him.

The figure sat down in the seat across the table, saying nothing.

Poe stared at the helmet, noting the unique color of the armor. “I want to offer you a job.” Poe said, signaling to the bartender for two drinks.

The armored figure stayed silent and immobile.

Poe took a breath. “I want you to board the First Order’s flagship, the _Supremacy_ , and protect someone.” He told him.

That caused the figure to shift, leaning forward almost imperceptibly. He still said nothing.

Poe set his jaw at the silence. “I can pay.” He told the silent man. “50,000 credits.” He offered.

The armored man sat back again, his only sign that the payment wasn’t unacceptable.

Poe grabbed his cup and took a long drink. “I have my fighter.” He offered. “A modified T-70 x-wing.” He told him.

The Mandalorian sat there, silent and still.

Poe ran his fingers through his hair, wishing the man across from him would say something. “I have three ingots of beskar.” He said as a last-ditch effort.

“Is that all of it?” The Mandalorian finally spoke, sitting forward again.

Poe sighed in relief. “Yeah… That’s all I have.” He told him. “I can get it for you.” He told him.

“Who am I to protect?” He asked.

Poe swallowed. “A woman. Goes by Anara. She’s with Kylo Ren.”

“And a Resistance pilot wants to protect her? Why?” He asked.

Poe swallowed. “She’s important to me and I want to make sure she’s safe.” He told him.

The Mandalorian lapsed back into silence, watching the pilot for several long moments. “Bring the payment to me and I will do the job.” He said, standing.

Poe stood as well, holding out his hand to shake. “You’ll have it tomorrow.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from Little Lion Man by Mumford & Sons


	12. I Feel The Darkness Stop To Take Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anara and Ben meet Snoke, and realize their true devotion to one another

The ship landed aboard the _Supremacy_ an hour after they had left the Resistance base.

He stood holding both Finn’s and Anara’s shoulders tightly as the ramp lowered to allow them to exit.

“Commander.” The chrome-plated stormtrooper said, eyeing Finn. “I see you’ve located FN-2187.” She said, turning her head to see the girl with them. “And who is this prisoner?”

Ben, now Kylo, looked at her. “None of your concern.” He snipped, dragging them along. “Since your reconditioning protocols have failed us, I will personally see to it that FN-2187 is dealt with.” He said, shoving the two of them forward.

Anara stumbled a little in surprise. She hadn’t expected Ben to be able to act so cold so quickly.

“Move.” He commanded, marching them away from the ship.

Hux fell in line with him. “The Supreme Leader has been wondering what happened to you.” He said, eyeing up the prisoners as they walked.

“I had to make my own way back since your project failed.” Kylo said simply.

Hux bristled. “It was the—”

“Resistance, I am aware.” He told him. “How do you think I managed to capture these two?” He asked, raising an eyebrow.

Hux walked in front of him, stopping the trio. “Yes, exactly… How _did_ you manage to not only capture two… Resistance operatives…” He said, sneering at them. “But steal a ship?”

He leaned between his two captives to get his face in line with Hux. “Because I know how to do my duty.” He said simply, his voice level.

Hux stood straighter, clasping his hands behind his back. “The Supreme Leader will want an audience with you.”

Kylo stood back to his full height, dwarfing Hux. “I will see him. I’ve brought something valuable.” He said, jostling Anara a bit.

She turned her head to glare at him. “You’re not the man I knew.” She spat at him.

He turned his head to meet her eyes. “No, because I killed him.”

She turned her head away from him, unable to meet his eyes. It was the first time since she had seen him on that platform with Han that she doubted his sincerity to her.

She hoped that this was his acting and not his true self.

* * *

Kylo marched them through the ship, knowing exactly where he was heading even though Anara had gotten lost after the second turn.

He opened the door to his quarters and locked it behind them, unfastening the restraints on the two.

Finn looked around the spacious living area. “This is how you live?” He asked in awe.

Kylo shrugged. “It’s what they gave me.” He said, walking over to a panel that opened the door to his bedroom.

Anara looked around as well, noting the almost oppressive black of everything. “You really got monochromatic when you joined the First Order.” She noted, walking into the room after him. “Is this your bed?” She asked. It was twice the size of the bed she had back at the base. It looked so soft and welcoming that if she had the chance, she’d slide under the sheets and sleep for a week.

He shrugged again, dropping the cape and unfastening his armor. “I don’t really use it.” He said, stripping down to just his pants to change.

Anara turned to him, blushing when she saw him standing there. “Oh… You could’ve said…”

He turned, raising an eyebrow at her. “I could have, but I didn’t.” He told her, grabbing a shirt from the closet of all black attire.

Anara looked down at her feet. “Ben, this isn’t… This isn’t the right time for that.” She told him, feeling the heat on her cheeks. “I’ll just… in there…” She said, pointing her thumb back towards the living area. “Yeah…” She said, hurrying out.

Finn looked up from where he had made himself at home on the sofa, raising an eyebrow. “You okay, Anara?”

She nodded. “M’hm… Yep, just fine.” She said, walking over to the large picture window that overlooked the stars, purposely not replaying what she had just seen in her mind.

 _‘It isn’t like you haven’t seen me in less, sweetheart.’_ She heard.

A new blush overtook her. _‘That was four years ago… And I wasn’t prepared.’_ She replied.

 _‘Well next time I’ll make sure to prepare you. These walls are thick and the doors lock… Just remember that.’_ She heard the smarm in his voice as he projected the words to her.

She turned and glared at him as he walked out of the room in a new outfit, pulling his gloves on without looking like he just promised to have sex with her later.

“We have a meeting with the Supreme Leader.” He said simply, looking at her. “From this point on, you have to act as if you’re a Stormtrooper again. I’ll have to get you armor. I’ll insist that you’re my own personal guard so that I can watch you.” He told Finn.

He nodded at him. “Am I going with you?”

“No. He’ll only want to see us.” He said, gesturing to Anara and himself. “You stay here. No one will come into my quarters without my permission.”

He nodded again and leaned back into his seat. “I’m fine here.”

Anara rolled her eyes at him. “Don’t get too comfy, with any luck we’ll be back on Resistance territory sitting on hard chairs in no time.” She said, walking over to where Ben was standing. “Don’t you need to put the restraints back on me… Commander?” She asked, hiding her smirk. Two could play at the game he started.

Finn made a face behind them when he saw the way Kylo tensed. “Ew, I’m right here.” He told them, throwing his hands up in the air.

He grabbed his helmet and saber from where they had been left, he supposed they had been returned to his room after someone found them on Starkiller. He put the helmet on before slowly clasping the restraints around her wrists again, his fingers lingering on the exposed skin. _‘That wasn’t fair Ana, we have company.’_ He told her.

She gave him a devilish smirk, raising an eyebrow. _‘You started it… sweetheart.’_ She said, turning from him to walk towards the door.

He let out a sigh through his nose and followed her, grabbing her shoulder as they exited.

* * *

Kylo and Anara boarded the elevator that would bring them to the throne room, his hand still firmly on her shoulder. “Don’t be afraid.” He said, his voice coming out modulated by the helmet. “I’m not going to let anything happen.”

She glanced over at him. “I can handle myself.” She said, stumbling out of the elevator when he pushed her as the doors opened. She fell to her knees, staying there. It was showtime, she guessed.

Kylo hauled her up by her arm and dragged her toward the Supreme Leader. “Master.” He greeted, going down to one knee, pulling her down beside him.

She bit back a groan. Her knees would be bruised after this.

Snoke looked between them. “You’ve found a Jedi.” He said, looking her over.

Kylo’s helmet rose to look at Snoke. “I found an imposter. She looks to be an apprentice that I trained with, but she was killed at the Temple.”

Snoke’s eyes never left Anara, making her feel slimy. “No… Not an imposter… She is the same girl that you almost died for.” He said, cocking his head to the side slightly. “The one you _love_.”

Anara shook her head. “I love him too.” She told him, pulling herself to her feet to stand defiantly. “I never thought that I would ever see him again.” She said bravely, pouring every ounce of emotion into her words. “I will stand with him against the Resistance now that I finally have him back.”

Snoke smiled menacingly. “Is that so?”

Kylo stood and removed the helmet to stand next to her. “Her anger and hatred for their lies will make her perfect to join us.”

Snoke finally turned his head to Kylo. “She doesn’t trust you.” He said simply. “She’s blinded by the past.”

“I can make her see, master.” He said. “I can bring her over to the Dark Side.”

Snoke leaned back in his seat. “Perhaps. Or I could have her killed. And that would mean one less Jedi to deal with.”

The guards took a step toward them, their weapons drawn.

Kylo grabbed his saber, activating it and grabbing her arm. “No one is ever going to touch her again.” He said with conviction.

Anara turned to look at him, feeling the absolute truth in those words. “Love...” She whispered, reaching out to him.

He turned back to her, the raw emotion in his eyes. “Never again will someone take you away from me.”

She reached up to touch his cheek, forgetting for a moment that they were actually supposed to be pretending. The emotions surrounding her breakup with Poe had blinded her to how much she had truly missed him. “You really are here with me.”

His hand reached up to cover hers. “Ben is dead… But I feel the same way for you as he did.”

Snoke let out a grating laugh, clapping his hands once. “Excellent.”

Anara turned her face to him. “Wherever he is, I will be there too.” She said, holding onto his hand. “I saw Ben die at the hand of our master, Luke Skywalker.” She stated. “And I will do anything to see him pay for it.”

The guards all stepped back into position as Snoke leaned forward again. “Very well. You can stay as his… _pet_ for now.” He told her. “We will see what you are capable of.”

She dropped his hand to go down to one knee, bowing her head. “Yes, Supreme Leader.”

* * *

She felt slimy again as Snoke watched over her bowed form.

“Should we give her a test?” He asked aloud, looking at Kylo. “Perhaps against one of your knights, Commander?”

She lifted her head and stood. “If that is the will of the Supreme Leader.” She said bravely.

Kylo tensed next to her. He had trained them to be ruthless, soulless… To obey any command given to them until their last breath. “Master, I don’t think—”

“Your thoughts are of no concern to me.” He dismissed, eyes trained once again on Anara. “I have something that you may find useful.” He gestured to one of the guards who walked over with a box, opening the lid once he arrived in front of her.

She peered in, seeing a familiar shape inside. “A lightsaber?” She asked, reaching in for it. The electric hum surrounding it seemed to burn into her. “You trust me to wield one without knowing what I’m capable of?” She asked.

Snoke chuckled. “I do not fear you.” He said, snapping his fingers.

She heard footsteps behind her and turned, the crackling from the saber in her hand reaching her shoulder now. She activated it when she saw three large figures all in black approaching her, their weapons already drawn.

“Master, don’t—” Kylo protested.

She glanced at him. _‘I can handle myself.’_ She said, falling into a fighting stance as they drew ever closer.

“You are not to intervene.” Snoke said to Kylo, rooting him to the spot.

The first knight swung their weapon at her. She arced the blade in her hand, catching the weapon inches from connecting with her side.

“You’ll have to do better than that.” She said, pushing them away with the Force and hopping backwards to put even more space between them.

 _‘They are trained to kill, don’t fight defensively. You have to kill them first.’_ She heard in her head as the second knight approached.

She sliced through the air, a loud scream echoing in the large chamber followed by a dull thump. She didn’t have time to locate the reason for the second sound as the first knight rounded on her again.

His weapon grazed her thigh, drawing blood.

She hissed and kicked the weapon away with her other leg, sweeping his feet from under him. “Lucky shot.” She said, stabbing the saber down towards him, her ruthlessness growing the longer she fought against them.

She stood in the center of the three knights, all splayed out on the ground before her. She was breathing heavily, her shirt torn from the few strikes they were able to get on her.

She deactivated the saber, the electric crackling centered on just her hand rather than her whole arm. “I trust… That I’ve proven myself.” She breathed, meeting the Supreme Leader’s gaze.

He laughed wickedly. “You may be useful after all.” He told her. “However, your presence is a… distraction.” He said, glancing towards Kylo.

She stepped over the body of one of the knights and walked over to stand next to him. “We are stronger together, Supreme Leader. We always have been.” She said, taking his hand. “If you truly want strength, this is the way to do it.”

His eyes narrowed at her. “You are bold, Jedi.”

“I’m NOT—” She glared at him, gripping the saber tighter, the crackles rising to her elbow. “I’m NOT a Jedi.” She said, squeezing Kylo’s hand tightly. “I haven’t been a Jedi since Skywalker took the man I love from me.”

Snoke smirked. “Then perhaps I chose the wrong apprentice.” He said.

Anara seethed. “If you want one of us, you take us both. That is the deal, Supreme Leader.”

He waved his hand dismissively. “Yes, yes. I understand. Your weakness for him, and his for you, is what will make you both stronger.” He said with a bored tone. “Go, I will allow this… For now.”

They both bowed to him.

Kylo grabbed her arm, scooping his helmet from where he’d dropped it earlier on their way back to the elevator.

He remained silent the entire walk back to his quarters.

Finn looked up from where he had been lounging still when they arrived. “How—”

Kylo marched them into his room, closing the door after them. “What were you thinking?” He shouted, throwing his helmet at the wall.

Anara pulled away from him. “I was thinking that one of us was going to die in there, Ben!” She shouted back.

“You could have been killed, Ana!”

“Don’t you think I know that?” She asked, dropping the saber she still clutched in her hand, the crackles dissipating immediately, leaving her with the guilt. “I’ve never… I didn’t want to kill anyone.” She said, breathing quickly. “But I could see what he wanted— He wanted one of us to die, Ben, and I couldn’t—”

He closed the distance between them quickly, wrapping her up in a tight embrace. “I wouldn’t have let him hurt you.”

She gripped the front of his shirt, her hands still in the restraints. “I had to protect you.” She whispered.

He held her to him, soothing her with his touch. “No one is going to take you away from me again.” He vowed.

She shook a little. “No one is taking you from me either.” She replied softly, lifting her head to capture his lips in a kiss. _‘I love you.’_

His arms tightened around her. _‘I love you.’_ He responded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm shitty at writing action scenes! Sorry!  
> No, the lightsaber isn't Anara's. It will be addressed in a later chapter.
> 
> Chapter Title from Together Burning Bright by The Used


	13. 'Cause I've Drawn Regret

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some fluffy bits, some mildy angsty bits
> 
> Anara and Finn become better friends
> 
> Daddy jokes... You know... The good stuff.

Anara laid in bed, gently running her fingers up and down Ben’s bicep as she watched him. “I’ve missed this.” She admitted softly.

He leaned in to press a soft kiss to her lips. “So have I.” He replied, his tone just as soft. “I’d lay here and think about you. How you felt in my arms.” He traced the starburst pattern on her side with his fingertips. “I didn’t think I’d ever have this again.”

She moved her fingers up and over his shoulder, tracing the love bites and hickeys she’d left there before coming to a stop on his cheek. “I didn’t either.” She admitted, pushing his sweat-dampened hair from his face. “At least you didn’t lie about the walls being soundproof.” She teased, kissing him softly.

He chuckled and pressed his hand to the small of her back to pull her tighter to him, kissing back with a hum of affirmation. “It was worth it to test them.” He told her. “At worst, Finn won’t be able to look you in the eye again.”

She playfully swatted him in the chest. “That isn’t funny.”

He grinned cheekily at her. “It really is. I’ve never actually tested the validity of the soundproofing of my quarters before, Ana. They could’ve been lying to me.” He said, biting back a laugh at the look of horror on her face.

She blushed and swatted him again. “Ben… If Finn heard us having sex—” She started.

“I can’t help that you scream like you’re being tortured.” He interjected defensively.

“You don’t have to be so good at it.” She muttered, trying and failing to look stern.

He wrapped his arms around her and turned so he was laying on his back, holding her on top of him. “Neither do you.” He retorted.

She sighed and kissed him. “If he heard us having sex, you’re going to wish that the restraints are the only thing I use on you.” She said against his lips.

“Promise?” He questioned, raising an eyebrow at her.

She frowned and twisted his nipple hard in retaliation.

“Ow! You started it!” He said, batting her hand away from his chest.

She laughed at him as his commlink sounded.

 _“Pardon me, Commander.”_ An officer spoke through it.

Anara swung her leg over him and stood, walking around the room to try to find the remnants of her clothes while he answered the call.

Ben sat up and watched her as he grabbed the comm from his nightstand. “What do you want, I’m busy.” He barked.

 _“S-Sorry, sir, but… We’ve received a radio frequency from a ship approaching. They asked specifically to speak to you.”_ The officer explained.

“What do they want with me?” He asked, biting back a smirk when Anara lifted her tattered shirt from the floor to show him, giving him an unimpressed look.

He gestured to his closet where his shirts hung as the officer answered him.

  
 _“They claim to have the bounty you put out, sir.”_ The officer said.

Anara turned to look at him, pulling the shirt she’d chosen over her head.

“I will meet them in the bay.” He said, setting the commlink back down and standing to put his clothes back on.

“What bounty?” She asked, trying to make the shirt she was wearing fit her a little better, but Ben was much larger than she was, so it fit her extremely loosely.

He shrugged. “I don’t actually know.” He admitted, sitting on the foot of the bed to pull his boots on.

She sat next to him, doing the same. “I’m coming with you then.” She told him.

He turned his head to look at her. “No. It could be a trap.” He explained.

She rolled her eyes. “I know. That’s why I’m going with you.” She said.

He sighed and stood. “Fine, but you do exactly as I say.” He told her after several long moments of debate in his head.

She smirked and stood as well, adjusting the shirt one more time before giving up and letting the bite marks and hickeys peek out above the collar. “Yes sir, Commander.” She said, winking at him before grabbing the saber she was given earlier.

_‘You’re not strong enough.’_

She turned to look at him. “What?” She asked defensively.

Ben looked at her confused. “What?”  
“You said something.”

He shook his head. “I didn’t.” He said, holding his hand out to her.

She walked over and took it as they left the room.

Finn looked up at them and then at the marks on Anara’s neck before making a face. “Ew. Really? I was right here the whole time!” He said, throwing his hands up in the air.

Anara blushed a little. “I—"

Ben grinned. “I guess the walls are soundproofed after all.” He said, laughing as Anara hit him in the stomach.

Finn stood, grabbing for the Stormtrooper helmet that had been delivered along with the rest of his armor while the two Force users were indisposed. “Are we going somewhere?” He asked them.

Ben’s laughter faded. “A ship is coming in with a bounty that I supposedly put out.” He told him, back to business.

“A trap?” He asked.

“Could be.” He said, grabbing his helmet from the stand on which he kept it.

Anara stood there, looking at them both ready themselves before stopping them. “Wait a second… Finn got his armor already.” She said, looking at Ben.

“And?” He pressed.

She looked down at the shirt she was wearing then back up to him. “You didn’t think I’d need something else to wear too?”

Ben gave her a lascivious smirk. “I was hoping you wouldn’t have to wear anything.”

Finn made a face. “Come on, man.” He complained to them. “She’s Poe’s—”

Ben leveled a look at him that made the words die in his throat.

Anara turned red and punched him. “Ben!”

He laughed again and put his arm around her as the trio walked out of his quarters and started down the hallway towards the landing bay where the ship would be waiting for them. “They’re coming, sweetheart. They have to make them.” He told her.

She sighed. “Fine. No more jokes in front of Finn like that.” She warned him. “He’s going to hurl himself out of an airlock if you keep making those kinds of comments.”

“Promise?” He teased.

Finn hit him at that.

* * *

The trio stood in front of an old-model ship, waiting for its occupants to disembark.

Anara held tight to Ben’s hand as they waited. _‘I don’t like this.’_ She said through the Force.

 _‘Just wait. We can handle it.’_ He soothed her worries. _‘There’s only two occupants so it’s easily a bounty hunter and the bounty.’_

The hatch opened slowly, showing an armored figure in midnight blue with bright blue and pink accents.

He walked down the ramp towards them, his cape covering one shoulder.

“A Mandalorian?” Anara asked aloud in shock. “I didn’t think they actually existed.” She admired.

He stopped directly in front of Kylo, the two masked figures standing motionless.

Ben spoke first, cutting the tension. “Who have you brought to me, bounty hunter?” He asked.

“Jaxsha Rolhee.” He responded simply.

Ben tensed, imperceptible to anyone except Anara who felt his hand tighten against hers.

“Who is she?” She asked him.

The Mandalorian turned to look at her for a moment then back to the Commander.

Ben loosened his grip on her. _‘I’ll explain later.’_ He promised, turning to where Phasma and a squadron of stormtroopers were standing. “Get her off the ship and throw her in the incinerator.” He commanded, looking back at the Mandalorian. “Come with me.” He said, turning and walking off.

“Wait, incinerator?” She asked.

Anara’s hand slipped out of Ben’s as he walked off, the two walking quickly away from her. She fell in step with Finn. “Do you know who she is?” She asked.

She heard his armor shift. “Finn… Who is she?” She asked, stopping to look at him.

His helmet looked from her to the retreating form of Ben and back. “Uh… He should probably tell you.” He said, following after them quickly.

She narrowed her eyes at them and followed, sneaking into the conference room that Ben had walked them to before the door closed.

“You’ll get paid.” He said to the Mandalorian immediately.

He cocked his head to the side a little. “I know, but I actually have another reason for being here.” He said simply.

Anara walked over to stand next to Ben. “If it’s to kill one of us, good luck.” She told him, her hand going to her saber at her hip.

“It’s the opposite, actually.” He said, finally addressing her. “I was hired to be your protection.” He told her matter-of-factly.

“By whom?” Ben and Anara asked in unison.

He shrugged. “Some pilot.” He said, taking a seat.

Anara stopped cold, the response she had sticking in her throat.

“What pilot?” Ben asked, leaning on his knuckles on the table.

Anara knew the answer before the Mandalorian spoke. “It’s Poe.” She said breathlessly. “Why?”

He shrugged again. “He said that you were important to him.”

Her heart ached at that. She rubbed her chest as she sank into a seat. “He said that?”

The Mandalorian nodded his head once.

“What did he pay you?” She asked him.

“Three ingots of beskar.” He responded.

Ben raised an eyebrow behind his helmet. “How did he get beskar?” He mused, looking back at the Mandalorian. “What do we call you?”

“You don’t need to know my name for me to do my job.” He told him.

“No, but if you are going to be protecting her, I need to know who you are.” He said seriously.

The Mandalorian shifted in his seat, not out of discomfort or intimidation, but boredom. “I don’t fear you, Jedi Killer, but fine. My name is Jo, I am of clan Ordo.”

Ben relaxed a little, standing to his full height. “Fine. You are now her personal guard. I will add to your payment for her protection.”

Anara looked up at him. “I’m not a delicate flower, I don’t need you—or Poe—paying to have someone guard me.” She said. “Especially not a Mandalorian.”

Ben raised a hand to stop her. “Shh, Anara… Daddy’s talking.” He said, turning back to Jo.

The room went silent immediately. Not one of the four occupants said a word, the tension growing by the second.

Anara’s face grew more and more red as the seconds ticked by and the three men turned to look at her. “I’m going for a walk.” She said, hurrying out of the room quickly.

Finn looked at Ben for a long moment. “I really didn’t want to know that about the two of you.” He said, following after Anara to keep an eye on her.

Ben closed his eyes and took a breath. “How much do I have to pay you to forget that this ever happened?” He asked the Mandalorian.

He shrugged. “Double whatever your payment was going to be.”

“Deal.”

* * *

Anara and Finn walked the corridors of the _Supremacy_ for about half an hour before she felt safe enough to speak. “So that’s never happened before.” She told him.

“You getting turned on by him referring to himself as daddy?” He asked, the disgust in his tone. “Yeah, I don’t want to know.”

She rolled her eyes at him. “No, him referring to himself as… that. He… Finn, do you know who we were to each other?” She asked him.

“Is he your… daddy?” He asked nervously.

“What? No. Ew!” She said, hitting him. “We trained together. We… We were lovers.” She said.

“I figured that out.” He replied simply. “Seems like you two are back at it.” He said, his eyes going to the marks on her neck.

She sighed. “No… Be— _Kylo_ and I share a connection.” She told him. “The Force binds us together, it always has. Ever since we were children.”

He turned her down the hallway that lead towards Kylo’s quarters. “Okay, so where does Poe fit in?”

She tensed, knowing that the question was coming. “Apparently the Force is also a fan of cruel irony.” She muttered, rubbing the back of her neck. “I didn’t plan to fall in love with Poe. I didn’t plan to fall in love with anyone, but my strength comes from the way I feel about the both of them.”

He hit the keypad on the door to the room and let her enter first, taking off his helmet once the door closed. “So now that you’re back with Ren…” He started, the question hanging in the air.

She went to the bar in the kitchen area of the room, pouring herself a large glass of the most expensive liquor. “I don’t know, Finn. Poe broke off our engagement when he saw that Ben was back… He basically ripped my heart out and replaced it with broken glass. It seems like he doesn’t want anything to do with me anymore.” She downed the liquor and poured herself another. “Then he hires a fucking _Mandalorian_ to guard me so… I’m not sure what his game is.”

Finn pulled off his armor and dropped it unceremoniously on the floor. “Sorry I asked.” He said, sitting on his favorite sofa. “For what it’s worth, Anara… I think Poe is an idiot for doing that to you.”

She smirked and walked over to sit next to him while she awaited Ben and her bodyguard to join them. “The fact that he’s an idiot seems to be the consensus.” She said with a laugh, feeling better now that she had a confidant in the ex-stormtrooper and a drink in her belly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Title from What I've Done by Linkin Park
> 
> Sorry guys! I went back and forth with this chapter and in the interest of not rushing some stuff, I had to fill it with this.


	14. Imaginary Enemy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anara finds out who the bounty is.

Anara was well and truly drunk by the time the Mandalorian and Kylo returned to their quarters. She hadn’t had much of the liquor, but it had been so long since she’d had anything besides the homebrewed garbage they made on base, she figured her tolerance for high quality alcohol was low.

She smiled at Kylo when he entered. “Hey, sweetheart.” She said, standing to greet him and swaying a little.

Kylo looked at Finn. “What’s wrong with her?” He asked, eyeing her warily.

Finn rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. “She’s been into your bar.” He explained.

Kylo sighed and shook his head. “Any particular reason why?” He questioned.

She finally made it the few feet from the sofa to where he stood, smiling up at him through his mask. “Because Poe hired a bounty hunter to protect me.” She said, taking his hands and placing them on her hips.

Jo looked at them silently, standing near the doorway still.

She felt his hands tense against her a little before withdrawing them. She frowned up at him.

He reached up to remove his helmet, setting it on the stand which caused a couple of feet of distance between them. “We should probably discuss that later.” He told her.

Anara’s eyes narrowed a little in annoyance. “Just like we need to discuss who the woman you had a bounty on is?” She asked him.

Jo walked over to where Finn sat and took a seat next to him.

Kylo turned to look at her, his face a mask of surprise. “She’s nothing.”

Anara folded her arms over her chest. “Right. Because people put bounties out for nobodies all the time, Ben.”

He tensed a little. “You’re drunk, sweetheart. Now isn’t—”

“Don’t you dare say that now isn’t the time. If you don’t tell me, you’re sleeping out here with Finn and the Mandalorian.” She told him, pointing an accusatory finger at him.

Finn smirked and lounged back on the sofa, crossing his feet at the ankles on the coffee table in front of him. It was so refreshing to see the big bad leader of the Knights of Ren taken down a peg or two in his presence. Even if they were allies now.

Kylo set his jaw and looked at her. “She tried to kill me.” He said simply.

She threw her hands up in the air. “That’s the need for secrecy? Ben, if that’s the case, you can throw me in with her because I tried to kill you.”

“You weren’t his wife though.” Finn chimed in helpfully, gasping when an invisible hand closed around his throat.

Anara stepped forward, grabbing at Kylo’s outstretched arm. “Ben, stop it!” She said, pulling and hitting him until he released his Force hold on Finn. “What did he mean, your wife?” She asked, glaring up at him.

His eyes moved slowly from where he had been glaring daggers at Finn to meet Anara’s annoyed gaze. “Snoke made me marry her. She was one of my best knights and he thought…” He paused and looked guilty. “He thought that the marriage and any children that were produced because of it would be a bolster to the First Order.” He muttered.

Anara’s jaw dropped. “Children? You fucking have kids?!” She asked, punching him in the stomach.

He leaned forward, winded. He hadn’t expected her to hit him, so it took him by surprise. “No! Ana… We had sex once and she tried to kill me and then escaped.” He wheezed out.

“That makes it better, Ben!” She shouted, pacing the floor. “When were you going to tell me that you were married?” She asked, the saber at her side buzzing in time with the pulse of her heart, begging her to use it against the person who made her feel this way.

“I was hoping I’d never have to. It wasn’t real… I was following orders.” He told her, reaching out in an attempt to touch her.

The saber was in her hand and activated as his fingertips were within reach.

He pulled back, the smell of singed leather in the air. He looked down to see the holes burned into the tips of his gloves. “Ana—”

“No! Don’t… Don’t TOUCH me.” She said, holding the saber aloft in a fighting stance. “You don’t get to tell me that you’re married and then touch me.”

 _‘Your anger will kill him.’_ She heard in her mind, a voice that wasn’t hers or Ben’s.

She felt her emotions fall away and she deactivated the saber, looking between the three men. She turned and grabbed the bottle of liquor off the bar where she left it and hurried into the bedroom, shutting the door behind her.

* * *

Finn and Jo exchanged a silent glance before looking up at Kylo again.

“That went better than I expected.” Finn told him.

He glared at him. “You had to speak.” He growled, turning his eye to stare at him.

He shrugged. “You weren’t going to tell her, and she had the right to know.”

Kylo lifted Finn up off the sofa by the throat, walking over to him so that they were eye level. “You forget that I can see into your mind.” He said darkly. “You want to put a wedge between us, so she’ll go back to the pilot when this is over.”

Finn gasped, reaching out to try to hit him. “She… deserves better… than… you.” He gasped out.

Kylo squeezed the invisible hand tighter. “She deserves better than to be cast aside like she was.” He glared, dropping him to the ground and turning, heading to the door of the bedroom, forcing it open and slamming it closed behind him.

* * *

Anara sat against the wall with her legs outstretched in front of her, drinking straight from the bottle. He was married… Ben had married someone else. She reached up to wipe at her eyes and took another swig from the bottle.

 _‘Your anger will kill him.’_ She heard the voice whisper again.

“Stop it!” She shouted, hitting herself in the forehead with the heel of her hand.

 _‘You can’t save them. You aren’t strong enough.’_ It responded, unphased by the abuse.

She pulled her knees up to her chest and rested her head on them. The voice was right. She wasn’t strong enough. She wouldn’t be able to save Ben or Poe or any of her friends. No wonder they both wanted a Mandalorian to watch over her. She couldn’t be trusted to handle herself.

 _‘I can make you stronger. I can show you the way.’_ The voice whispered to her.

She took a breath and lifted her head, taking another deep swig from the bottle, cutting off the whispers for the moment.

Her thoughts went back to the fact that Ben was married, or he used to be. She didn’t expect that his order to throw her in the incinerator had gone unheeded. Still, though… He’d moved on from her.

She couldn’t fault him though… He thought she was dead. Did he ever mourn her loss, though? Did he ever shed a tear over her? She was lost in thought as the door to the room was opened with a grating metal screech.

She looked up, seeing Ben storm through and the door closed back as it normally would. She had locked it, she thought.

He stood on the opposite side of the room, his back to her.

She could see his back shifting as he fought to regain his composure. _‘Did you mourn me?’_ She asked, resting her head back on her knees.

She missed the way his body went still, his hands clenched at his sides.

 _‘How could you ask me that?’_ He asked her.

_‘That wasn’t an answer, Ben.’_

He took in an audible breath. “Of course I did.” He said softly. “I never stopped. You would come to me and tell me to avenge your death. To find Skywalker and end him in your name, in honor of what we could never have.”

She hugged her knees tighter, the bottle still in her hand digging uncomfortably into her thigh. _‘Then why would you marry someone else?’_

“I told you… It was Snoke’s idea. He wanted a child to groom into his successor.” He hung his head in guilt. “I did everything I could to try and stop it from happening, Ana… I’ve only ever wanted you.”

She remained silent after that; her face buried in her knees.

He turned to look at her. “Ana, please… Say something.”

She lifted her head to look at him, a smoldering flame in her eyes. “Why would I believe you?” She asked, pulling herself off the floor. “Why _should_ I believe you? You could be lying about all of this!” She shouted, throwing the bottle at him.

He raised his hand and sent it flying into the wall beside him. “Ana, I wouldn’t lie to you.”

She laughed wickedly. “Right, the man who killed the Jedi order, who destroyed the Temple, who claims I forced his hand to do all of the horrible things he’s done, has no reason to lie.” She spat. “This was a mistake.”

Ben stared her down, feeling his own anger rise. How could she think so little of him? He had never once done anything to her that would make her question him. And if she was questioning him in this, who’s to say she wouldn’t slip up and do the same in front of Hux or the Supreme Leader. She could jeopardize the entire mission. “I agree. It was a mistake.”

She watched him, waiting for him to move. “At least we can agree on that.”

He took a menacing step towards her. “You’re on the first ship out of here. Go back to the Resistance. I will take care of this myself.” He commanded.

She stepped forward as well. “Careful, sweetheart. I’m not one of your knights, or your wife… You don’t give me orders.”

His hands clenched at his sides. “Anara… You will obey me here.”

Her anger rose again. “Fuck you. I’m seeing this through just like you are. You can’t just throw me aside like I’m not strong enough to handle this!”

He reached up and gripped her bicep, his hand covering the unmarred handprint that he had left there the night he became Kylo Ren. “You’re not! Anara, the darkness is corrupting you already! You need to leave here and get back to the pilot!”

She pulled away from him. “The darkness has nothing to do with how I feel!”

 _‘Your anger will kill him.’_ The voice repeated.

“SHUT UP!” She screamed, clutching at her head.

“ANARA!” Ben’s booming voice cut through the spiral of emotions she was feeling, leaving her feeling hollow.

She felt his arms wrap around her tightly.

“Ana, I can feel the darkness in you… I don’t want to see it take hold of you.” He whispered.

She shook against him, overwhelming fear being the first emotion to come back to her. “I’m not leaving, Ben.” She whispered. “But I’m scared… I’m scared of what will happen.”

He picked her up and sat her in bed, removing her shoes and tucking her under the sheets. He rid himself of his cape, boots, and shirt, crawling in beside her. He pulled her to him, hoping that it would help ease her mind. “Nothing is going to happen to you, Ana. I’m going to make sure of that.”

She shook her head. “I’m not scared for me.” She said. “I’m scared for you.”

He kissed her forehead softly. “Nothing is going to happen to me either."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Title from Imaginary Enemy by The Used


	15. She Had An Earthquake On Her Mind

Anara stared up at the sky, it was beautiful and blue. There was a light breeze blowing around her, causing her hair to whip around her and tickle her cheek. She felt a comforting weight on her chest and ran her fingers over the large expanse of their shoulders then up through their hair. She sighed and moved her hand from the soft fabric as she brushed the hair away before settling back against the soft grass she was laying in.

She looked down at the mess of curly hair with a pleased smile, gasping and pushing the body off of her. “Ben!” She shouted, maneuvering to her knees over him. His eyes were opened but vacant, a large bloody gash down the right side of his face and a hole through his chest. “Ben, no.” She said, shaking him to try in vain to wake him. “Please, no.” She begged.

The sound of fighting brought her senses back to her and she realized that she had been laying on a battlefield the whole time. She saw his saber laying nearby and pulled herself up from her knees, picking it up and running sluggishly towards the fighting.

She stopped when she saw a blur of blue and gold, watching in horror as Rey fought against Poe, both wielding lightsabers. “Poe!” She shouted, running towards him.

He turned his head, reaching his free hand out towards her. “Anara, don’t!” He shouted at her, a pained look transforming his features when a blue blade appeared through his chest.

“No!” She shrieked, finally making it to him as he crumpled to the ground. She looked up at the owner of the second blade. “You.” She growled, standing and activating the saber in her hand. “Why do you keep taking who I love from me?!” She shouted.

“You swore to uphold the honor of the Jedi.” He said, lowering his hood to show the face of her former master. “You broke the code and now you will pay.” He told her simply.

“You didn’t have to kill them!” She screamed, swinging Ben’s blade towards him only for Rey to catch it with her own. “They weren’t the problem! I was!” She shouted, swinging wildly.

He shook his head from behind the warrior he had created. “They would die to protect you. I had to take care of them first.” He said.

She let out a guttural cry and fought against the kind girl who she had once agreed to train in the ways of the Jedi. The sweet scavenger that Finn loved. “You will die, Skywalker!” She shouted, shoving the blade of the saber into Rey’s chest up to the hilt.

Rey looked at her shocked for a moment before disappearing in a cloud of smoke.

She pointed the blade directly at him. “You’re next. I will cut down anyone in my way to get to you!” She told him dangerously.

He stepped forward, his chest almost against the tip of the saber. “You aren’t strong enough.” He told her. “You were never strong enough. Your weakness killed them, not me.”

He and the surroundings disappeared completely, leaving her in darkness with the bodies of Poe and Ben in front of her.

She dropped to her knees between them. “I’m sorry.” She whispered, taking each of their hands. “I wanted to protect you. I’m sorry.”

 _‘I can help you. I can show you the way.’_ The voice she had been hearing for the past month whispered from the black around her.

She lifted her head and looked around. “Who are you?” She asked.

A figure stepped out of the dark, a shadow. _‘I am the one who can give you the strength to protect them.’_ The shadow told her, waving his hand.

The bodies disappeared and reappeared on each side of him, alive but motionless.

_‘I can make sure that you will never have to suffer this.’_

She stood and straightened her spine with resolution. “What do I need to do?” She asked.

The shadow extended a hand, the saber she had been using in his hand. _‘Take this.’_

She reached out and wrapped her hand around it, feeling the familiar burning sensation up her arm.

_‘Let it consume you, Anara. Let the fire take you and give you the strength to put an end to Skywalker and the rest of the pitiful Resistance. Only then will they be safe.’_

She looked down at the hilt in her hand then back at the shadow. “But Snoke—”

 _‘No. Snoke isn’t your concern. Snoke won’t take them away. Skywalker will, just like he tried to do before.’_ The shadow said, raising his hand.

She felt a searing pain on her right side, like the fresh wounds she got from the cabin’s collapse. She dropped to her knee, unable to cry out from the pain.

The pain stopped as suddenly as it started. She opened her eyes and saw that the shadow and the images of her lovers had moved closer.

She stood again on shaking legs. “I will do it. I will kill Skywalker.”

The shadow nodded once. _‘Kill all of the Skywalker bloodline and you will have what you truly seek.’_ He said, waving his hand once more to flash the images of Luke, Leia, and Rey. _‘You will have your peace.’_

She looked between the three images, stepping forward to look into Rey’s eyes. “I can’t… She was so nice to me; she hasn’t hurt me.” She told the shadow.

 _‘She hasn’t yet, but she has found Skywalker. He is training her to take you down.’_ The shadow told her curtly. _‘You have to kill her too or she will kill this one.’_ He said, indicating Poe.

She turned to look at the pilot, screaming when the blue saber tore through his chest again. “Stop it!” She screamed at the shadow. “Please, just stop it!” She begged, rushing to him in time to catch his body before it hit the ground a second time.

 _‘You understand.’_ The shadow said.

She nodded, holding Poe to her chest. “I understand.”

* * *

She sat up with a gasp, looking around the room frantically. Her eyes settled on Ben; his arms stretched out toward her.

She reached out and brushed his hair from his cheek, sighing with relief when she saw him breathe.

“What’s wrong?” He asked, blinking his eyes open. “Ana?”

She shook her head. “Just a bad dream, sweetheart… Go back to sleep.” She told him, sliding out of bed and pulling on her robe. She threw her hair up in a bun and leaned over him to kiss him. “I’m just going to go for a walk.”

He made to sit up. “I’ll come with you.”

She shook her head. “I’ll get Jo to come with me. You sleep.” She said, kissing him one more time. She grabbed her saber from her nightstand and left the room.

Jo looked up from his datapad. “Going somewhere, Boss?” He asked, sitting up from his lounging position on the sofa.

She nodded. “I want to go for a walk.” She told him.

He nodded and stood, putting his blaster back in its holster and following her out into the corridor.

She walked along, huddled into the material of the robe. The all black in her wardrobe felt oppressive on most days, but the flowing material was good to huddle into when she needed comfort.

Jo walked silently with her, keeping an eye on every person they passed during their walk.

Anara stopped and walked into the first room that didn’t have occupants, leaning against the wall since it was a storage room.

Jo checked the area and stepped inside, leaning against the wall across from her. “Something on your mind?” He asked.

She looked up at him for a moment. “No.” She muttered.

He nodded and leaned there, staring at her silently.

She fidgeted for a minute before sighing wearily. “Jo… If I tell you something, you won’t repeat it to anyone, right?”

“My silence has a price.” He told her.

She sighed and lifted up the lightsaber. “I will give you this when I’m done with it.”

He shook his head. “I don’t want it.”

She looked at it and let it fall at her feet. “I don’t either.” She admitted. “But it’s the only thing I can use to protect them.” She told him, sighing. “I’ll get you a payment. Just… I need to tell this to someone.”

He nodded, a cautious trust in her. “You have my silence.”

She sighed in relief. “Thank you.” She said, pulling the robe tighter around her. “I’ve been having visions… Of the future.” She told him, choosing her words. “My former master… Luke Skywalker… He kills Ben… and Poe. I’m never strong enough to stop him.” She said, looking down at the saber at her feet. “Tonight though… A shadow came to me.”

Jo tilted his head a little in curiosity but let her continue without interrupting.

“He told me to take the saber and kill the Skywalkers. I… It wants me to kill the innocent girl that Finn is in love with and I don’t want to.” She wiped at her eyes. “If I don’t though… She’s going to kill Poe for him, and I can’t let that happen.”

“So kill her first.” Jo said pragmatically. “The Jedi though… I called dibs.”

She let out a chuckle. “Sorry, I knew him first.” She said, letting her head fall back against the wall. “I just wish I knew who the shadow was. Maybe a Force ghost, but… that doesn’t make sense.”

Jo shrugged. “You could kill him too.”

“That’s not how Force ghosts work, Jo.” She said, smiling.

“You would make a terrible Mandalorian.” He said with the barest hint of amusement in his voice.

She opened her eyes and lowered her head to look into the eye visor of his helmet. “You would make a terrible Jedi.” She countered.

“I would never want to be one.” He shot back.

Her smile turned sad. “I never wanted to be one either, but I’m glad I am… I would’ve never met Ben or Poe if I wasn’t.”

He bent down and retrieved the lightsaber, holding it out to her. “I’ll take that saber off of you when I cut you down, Jedi.” He said.

She met his gaze, taking it from his hand and smirking. “Good luck, Mandalorian.” She replied, patting his shoulder.

 _‘Anara, where are you? You’ve been gone for an hour.’_ Ben said worriedly into her mind.

“Fun’s over, bodyguard.” She told him, exiting the room after Jo opened the door and checked the area.

She retreated into her thoughts as they headed back towards the quarters. The burning crackles returning to her arm. ‘I will be strong enough. I will take them down, I **will** protect what’s mine.’ She thought to herself resolutely, squeezing the hilt of the saber in her hand tightly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from Earthquake by The Used


	16. Before You Got Too Far

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some help from old friends they never knew

Ben was standing in the doorway when they rounded the corner, stepping out to look between the two. “Where were you?” He asked tersely, folding his arms over his chest.

She sighed and sidestepped him, walking into their living space with Jo.

He turned and followed. “I expect an answer.” He said.

She turned to him slowly. “You do? You _expect_ it?” She asked, her eyes narrowing.

Jo lounged against the wall close by, saying nothing.

Ben’s angry stare matched hers. “Yes, I expect it. Because right now I am your Commander.” He told her, his words coming out as more of a growl.

Anara’s hand flexed against the handle of the saber she was clutching. “Is that how this is going to be?” She asked him, drawing herself up to her full height, not intimidating against the extremely tall man in front of her. “You are NOT my Commander.” She told him nastily. “I don’t take orders from _you_.” She said, stepping forward.

He stood his ground, the anger radiating off of him. “You will obey me.” He said, his voice dangerously calm.

“Or what?” She asked, stepping forward against until they were almost chest to chest, daring him.

He glared down at her. “Or I will have the Mandalorian drag you off this ship and send you back to base.”

She felt the hum as the saber activated in her hand and she stepped back from him. “Try it, Ben.” She said darkly.

He stepped back further, lifting his hand to pull the saber from her grip, catching it easily. “What is wrong with you, Ana?” He asked, deactivating the saber.

She rushed forward and made to grab for it. “Give it back!” She shouted, hitting him. “It’s mine!” She screamed, punching and clawing at him.

Jo stepped forward calmly and wrapped his arms around her from behind, putting her in a submission hold.

Ben looked at her, worried now. “Was she like this when you left?” He asked the Mandalorian.

He shook his head, letting her struggle against him. “She was calm.”

Ben stepped closer to her now that she was restrained. “Ana… This was a bad idea, we need to get you away from here before you get worse.” He said, leaning down in an attempt to meet her gaze.

She closed her eyes and continued to struggle against her bodyguard’s grip. “I can handle myself.” She said, her body tiring.

He sighed and stood straighter. “Lock her in the room.” He instructed. “Don’t let her out for anything until I get back. Understood?” He looked over her to Jo.

He nodded. “Come on, Boss.” He said, marching her toward the door and pushing her in, locking the door on the keypad. “Where are you going?” He asked.

Ben looked down at the saber in his hand, feeling an odd burning in his arm. “I need to find out what’s wrong with her and why she’s acting like this.”

Jo set his jaw under his mask, nodding once. “I’ll watch her.” He said, standing at ease at the door.

Ben nodded and walked out quickly.

* * *

Poe stood with the General in the command center, looking over the final plans to move to another Resistance base off D’qar. It was a contingency plan that had been in place since they took this base as their hub, but the preparations took time.

They knew the First Order was sitting almost on top of them, but thankfully some subterfuge by their spies onboard had caused enough of a delay.

“General, I have a plan. They’ll be here any minute and we need time.” He said.

She sighed. “Okay, fine. No showboating, Poe. I mean it.” She told him.

He gave her a smirk. “I wouldn’t dream of it, General.” He said, walking off to set his plan in motion, dodging frantic troopers trying to offload weapons caches from the base.

He made it to the surface where he was meeting with the other squadron leaders, looking up at the sky for a moment. _‘Just hold them off a little longer, amada.’_ He thought.

* * *

Anara sat on the bed; her legs crossed as she meditated. She hadn’t done that since the Temple, but after the argument with Ben something told her that it would be a good idea.

She took in a deep breath as she let the blackness overtake her. She saw a faint light blinking with the beat of her heart and then a second beside it.

In her mind she stood and walked toward them, smiling at the yellow warmth as they grew stronger. “Hello my darlings.” She said, going to her knees between them once she had reached where they were. She reached up to touch the one on her left, pulling back quickly when it turned a horrible shade of red and started to scream. “No! No, don’t!” She said, turning her head to the other as it did the same. “No!”

She stood quickly, looking into the empty expanse of nothing around them for anything to help the lights. “No, please… Don’t hurt them!” She shouted.

The shadow that plagued her nightmares appeared in front of her, the screaming noise of the lights cut off. “Excellent.” It said, reaching out to touch the two lights, making the red glow brighter. “This is better than what I had hoped for.”

She stared at the shadow. “No… Leave them alone.” She said, looking down at her left hand, the one that always held the saber.

The shadow laughed wickedly. “It’s no longer in your possession, is it?” It asked. “You weren’t strong enough to keep it, and now everything you love will be taken from you.”

She shook her head. “No, I can get it back, just please don’t touch them.” She said desperately.

He sighed. “He already suspects that your allegiance has shifted.” He told her, ignoring her plea. “He won’t readily return it to you.”

She took a deep breath, “I can get it back, I swear. Just don’t hurt them.”

He removed his hand from the balls of light, and they returned to the gentle pulsing yellow. “I wouldn’t dare to hurt them. I’ve wanted this for so long.”

 _‘Anara…’_ She heard distantly. ‘ _Anara… step aside…’_

She turned and stepped away, shielding her eyes as a green light slashed through the shadow, cleaving it in two.

She blinked for a moment, before gazing into the kind eyes of the bearded man in front of her. “Who are you?” She asked.

The green glow of his saber disappeared as he stepped forward. “My name is Qui-Gon Jinn.” He told her.

Her eyes widened in surprise. “A Jedi master.” She whispered in awe. “What are you doing here?”

He walked over to look at the orbs now completely calm. “We’ve come to protect them, to help you.” He told her.

She followed and smiled at the happy warmth again. “We?” She questioned.

He looked over her shoulder to see a younger bearded man approach them. “Hello, Anara.” He said politely. “I am Obi-Wan Kenobi.”

Her jaw dropped. “Why… I don’t understand…”

“Snoke has been poisoning your mind,” Qui-Gon said simply.

She turned from Obi-Wan to look at him. “Poisoning my mind? No, I… I’ve only spoken to him once.”

Obi-Wan stepped forward and put his hand on her shoulder. “Yes, but the lightsaber he gave you is filled with energy from the Dark Side. Every time you hold it, it amplifies your fears and every time you use it, in increases his hold on you.”

She looked horrified. “Ben has it now! If he—”

Qui-Gon shook his head. “His mind has been freed from Snoke’s influence thanks to your intervention.” He said. “The only hand that Snoke has to play now is your safety, and he wouldn’t risk hurting them.” He said, gesturing to the lights. “And Ben has experience in handling artifacts from his grandfather.”

She stared at them. “I was given _his_ saber?” She asked. “That explains everything.”

The two of them looked a little sad.

“Anakin was seduced to the Dark Side to protect the woman he loved and became Darth Vader as a result. We couldn’t help him because it was too late.” Obi-Wan said. “We won’t let that happen again.”

She took a moment to process all of what she was told. “Masters, I—Ben and I… We violated the Jedi code to be together. Master Luke tried to stop us… Why would you help us when we’ve done so little to be what we should be?”

The two shared a look before returning their eyes to her.  
Qui-Gon smiled a little at her. “Because we saw what resulted in the destruction of the Jedi the first time.”

“We think perhaps it’s time for a new Jedi code. The girl… She is like you and Ben; she can’t hide her emotions and it makes her stronger. Perhaps the three of you can usher in the new Jedi, the order that finds its strength in its emotion.” Obi-Wan said.

She took a shaky breath. “I’m no Jedi, masters.”

Qui-Gon stepped forward to her. “You are.”

She felt a tear slide down her cheek and she looked down. “Thank you, Master.” She told him.

 _‘Anara…’_ She heard her name distantly again, looking up to see the two masters in front of her. “Will I ever see you again?” She asked them.

They smiled and nodded. “Sooner than you think.”

* * *

She opened her eyes, falling the short distance back down onto the bed.

Ben stood in front of her. “Were you meditating?” He asked.

She nodded and stood, “Yeah, I was.”

He reached up and wiped the tear from her face. “What’s wrong?” He asked.

She leaned into his touch for a moment. “I’m sorry.” She said, looking up at him with watery eyes. “Ben, we have to leave. Snoke knows… He knows what we were trying to do and if we stay, he’s going to use you against the Resistance.”

He shook his head. “He won’t. Ana, I’m out from under his control.” He assured her.

She sighed heavily. “He knows something that will force your hand.” She met his eyes.

He raised an eyebrow. “What’s that?”

She opened her mouth to speak but was cut off by his commlink activating.

“We are leaving, Ren. I do hope that you and your… _consort_ are ready.” Hux’s nasally voice said through the comm.

His eyes narrowed and he grabbed it. “We will be there in a moment and if you call her that again, I won’t hesitate to put my saber through your chest.” He sighed and looked at her. “We need to report to the Finalizer… They’re about to launch their assault on D’qar.”

She tensed. “Ben, I have to—”

He kissed her softly. “We can talk later, sweetheart. We have to go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Title from El-Oh-Vee-Ee by The Used


	17. Here We Stand On Opposing Sides

The two Force users stood on the bridge of the _Finalizer_ along with General Hux as they made their way to D’Qar, their guards standing behind them, immobile.

Anara watched Hux as he paced the floor, shouting orders to the officers. It made her a bit nauseous to watch them work like well-oiled machines. They had firepower and order that the Resistance just didn’t have. Especially not now that the Republic had been destroyed.

She saw the gleeful look on Hux’s face when he turned to announce that he had orders from the Supreme Leader to take out the remainder of the Resistance. It made the nausea grow worse. She breathed deeply through her nose as she stood there, willing the contents of her stomach to stay down. They would get away. The three of them had made sure they had enough time to evacuate.

She felt a wave of calm come over her and she turned her eyes to where Ben stood, his face hidden beneath the helmet.

 _‘I can feel your fear, sweetheart. They will be alright.’_ He told her.

She took another breath, the nausea still present. _‘I hope you’re right.’_ She replied.

“Attention, this is Commander Poe Dameron of the Republic fleet—” Came across the coms as a familiar x-wing came into view.

Anara’s heart clenched. _‘Stupid man.’_ She said in admiration, walking forward quickly before Ben was able to stop her so that she could see the black and orange craft clearer.

Hux attempted to speak to Poe through the com, going off on a tirade about how he would end them.

Anara managed a chuckle when Poe responded like he hadn’t heard him. That was so Poe. _‘I hope you know what you’re doing, amada.’_ She thought, turning sharply as she heard Hux shout at the officers to open fire.

“No!” She shouted, reaching out with the Force to throw him to the ground. “Don’t you dare!” She screamed.

“Traitor!” He screamed, pulling himself up from the undignified sprawl he had been left in. “Arrest her!”

She looked at him and Ben nervously. She knew better than to react. Poe could’ve handled himself. From the blasts they could see on the surface of the dreadnought, he was.

Jo stepped forward from where he had been standing beside Finn to shield her. “I don’t think so.” He said calmly.

Hux glared at the Mandalorian. “You were hired by the First Order; you will do what I say!” He shouted.

He stayed standing between them. “My orders are to protect her, and that is what I will do.”

Hux growled, or did an equivalent with his nasally voice. “Then you will join her! Arrest them both!”

She looked at Ben, feeling trapped now that she had exposed herself to still be on the side of the Resistance. She did the only thing she could think of and called Ben’s saber to her, activating it and stepping out from behind the Mandalorian to hold it towards Hux’s throat. “You will tell them to cease fire on that fighter or I will remove your head from your shoulders, General.” She threatened.

He stood there, the fear in his eyes the only thing betraying him. “You are outnumbered, Rebel scum.” He said as the door opened and in walked the remaining Knights of Ren. His gaze turned momentarily to where Ben stood, still immobile. “Arrest them, Commander Ren. Or is there something preventing you from doing your duty?” He dared.

Ben started toward her, calling his saber back to his hand. “I should have known better than to trust a Jedi.” He said, grabbing her hands and wrenching them behind her, holding them tightly in one hand. “You are all so good at lying.” He said, his voice cold behind the vocoder in his helmet. “And you, Mandalorian… To trust a Jedi.” He scoffed, gesturing with his head for one of his Knights to arrest him.

“Wait a moment, Ren.” Hux told him, his smarmy smirk back on his lips. “Let her watch as her traitorous friends are obliterated.” He told him. “Particularly that nuisance pilot she seems so fond of.”

She was forced to face the dreadnought to their left, watching as a fleet of TIE fighters chased the black and orange fighter around the enormous ship. _‘Please don’t kill him. Please don’t kill him.’_ She pleaded to no one in particular.

Ben’s hand tightened against her wrists. _‘You know I can’t help you now. Not without compromising everything.’_ He said to her angrily. _‘Your idiot pilot would have been fine without your impulsiveness.’_

 _‘I’m sorry, love. I just… I couldn’t stand by while he was killed.’_ She told him, willing back her tears.

He tightened his grip on her wrists for just a moment. _‘And now you’ve made me have to choose between the mission and watching it happen to you.’_ He said, the pain at the thought of losing her hitting her square in the chest.

She swallowed thickly at that and turned her gaze back to the windows as she watched the fleet of bombers getting destroyed over the dreadnought, unwilling to look away from the sacrifice of her friends. “Stop. Please.” She pleaded quietly.

Hux laughed. “It is a war, traitor. We won’t just stop while they take out our ship.” He told her. “Don’t worry. You’ll be joining them in death soon.”

Ben turned his head to Hux sharply. “I would recommend letting the Supreme Leader be the one to determine her fate.” He said with a dangerous calm. “She could be of use to him still.”

Hux turned to face them. “The Supreme Leader has already decided that when she betrayed us, as he knew she would, that she would be dealt with immediately and harshly.”

She felt the nausea rise again. That wasn’t right. He wouldn’t…

“No.” She said bravely, tearing her eyes away from the scene in front of her to stare the General down. “He doesn’t want me to be killed.” She told him. “Because then he won’t get what he wants.”

Hux puffed out his chest indignantly. “And what is it that he wants from you?” He dared. “ _You_ a traitorous Jedi spy.”

Her breath hitched and she glanced up at Ben through his helmet. “He wants…” She looked back down at the floor. “He wants what I carry inside of me.”

* * *

Ben heard the words leave her, but they didn’t register at first. He saw the look of confusion on Hux’s face, followed by shock, horror, and finally disgust as his gaze flicked quickly between the two of them.

“So that’s why the Supreme Leader allowed her to stay alive.” He spat. “Because she would bear your children.”

Ben turned to look down at her, seeing the look of defeat on her face as she turned her eyes to the floor. “Children?” He asked softly.

She was ripped from his grasp by one of his Knights, restraints fastened tightly around her wrists.

She looked up at him and nodded. _‘I tried to tell you before we left. He will use them against you.’_

He stepped forward, closing his eyes a moment and searching until he felt it—felt them— the warm, pulsing lights within the Force that surrounded her.

He felt a tear slide from his eye and down his cheek, glad for the helmet so that no one could see his vulnerability.

“Take her away.” He said once he was able to compose himself.

Hux watched him. “The Supreme Leader must be _so_ proud of you.” He antagonized. “You were able to give him something he could never have gotten on his own.”

Ben turned and reached out with the Force, gripping the General’s throat tightly. “Don’t speak of them again.” He said, walking forward. “Don’t even _think_ about them.” He threatened, dropping the General only because he knew that Snoke wouldn’t be happy that his favorite pet was killed.

He turned with a flourish of his cape and stormed out of the bridge, noticing barely as the dreadnought was destroyed.

* * *

Anara curled in on herself to protect her stomach when she was thrown into a cell. She stood when the door slid closed and the restraints were deactivated.

She rubbed her wrists and looked through the small viewport to see Jo getting dragged into the one across from her.

She smiled a little. They had to have incapacitated him to get him in there. She hoped that he had hurt a few of them in his attempt to stay free.

She stepped back quickly when the viewport was obscured by black, her shoulders falling when she realized it was Ben. “You can’t let me out of here.” She said.

He turned his head to the left, then the right before lifting the helmet from his head so that she could see his face.

She stepped closer to the door, noting the pink of his cheeks and around his eyes. “You’ve been crying…”

“How long have you known?” He asked coolly, a steel in his voice that she hadn’t heard since he had faced off against his father on Starkiller.

Her stomach dropped and the nausea returned. “Only since yesterday. When… When I was meditating.”

He gripped his helmet in his hand tightly. “Was this your plan? Did they tell you to do this?” He asked.

She looked shocked and hurt by his words. “What? No… Ben—”

“DON’T.” He said harshly, his eyes narrowed in anger. “Don’t call me that.” He commanded.

She felt it… the darkness in him rising. “Ben, no.” She said.

“I let myself believe…” He started, looking down so that he didn’t have to see the betrayal in her eyes. “That there was still some of _him_ inside of me. That I was strong enough without this power.”

Her heart sank at his words. “No, there’s still light in you… Don’t do this, please.” She begged.

His eyes met hers again. “There is no more Light in me, Anara.” He said. “The Light makes me weak and I cannot protect what is mine if I am weak.”

“Please don’t do this.” She continued to beg him. “We can protect them together; we don’t need the Dark Side to protect our children.”

He tensed at that. “No. My grandfather couldn’t protect his family with the Light, and I can’t protect mine with it either.”

She felt the tears fall. “What are you going to do?”

“What I must.” He said, his voice breaking on the words.

She wished that she could reach out and touch him; that there wasn’t a durasteel barrier between them. “We can still get out of this. Ben, we can leave here… Fight with the Resistance for the sake of our children.”

He felt the Light push back against the Dark. “The Resistance can’t win this war.” He told her.

She put her hand on the door, leaning her forehead against the viewport. “The First Order is no place to raise them, my love.” She said softly, knowing he’d be able to hear it through their connection. “If I stay here… Snoke will take them from us and I’ll be disposed of.”

He felt another sharp pull from the Light, the Dark Side losing its momentary hold on him. “I wouldn’t let that happen.”

She felt the conviction in him at his words, and the bitter saltiness of a fresh wave of tears, knowing they were his and not hers. “You wouldn’t have a choice. Once he had them to raise to be ruthless, soulless beings like he wanted, he wouldn’t need you anymore.”

He let out an audible sob, leaning against the door. “I will protect them.”

She felt the pain, reaching out with the Force and wrapping her arms around him. “I will too. I will protect those I love. Please, Ben. Don’t abandon me, don’t abandon the Light.” She begged.

He lifted his head to look at her through the glass. “I will end this. I will fight for them.” He told her resolutely.

She nodded. “As long as you come back to me.”

He nodded. “I swear.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Title from Go To War by Nothing More
> 
> I'm so sorry!!! I've been busy with finals and The Mandalorian!


	18. Just Like A Crow Chasing The Butterfly

Ben stood outside Anara’s prison cell for a long time after they finished their conversation, watching her through the viewport. The longer he stood there, the stronger he felt the warmth from the Force surrounding her.

It was as if the feeling of them, his children, pushed away the Dark from him for good. There was only the resolution left behind to protect them, to end the war so that they would be safe.

He managed the smallest smile at the knowledge that he would have to tell his parents about this. He was sure it wasn’t what they had ever expected from him considering that Jedi weren’t supposed to form attachments, much less have children.

Anara caught the uptick of his lips and raised an eyebrow. “What?” She asked him, standing from the cot set into the wall to walk over to the door. “Why are you smiling?”

His eyes met hers and his smile widened. “Who do you think will take the news better: My mother and father… or your idiot pilot?” He asked.

Anara didn’t smile. She hadn’t thought about telling Poe about this new development. Not that he had any say regardless since he seemed to not want anything more to do with her. She looked at her feet. “Probably Poe.” She muttered.

Ben sighed. “Ana…” He started, feeling guilty that he had upset her. “I doubt that he will be thrilled to know that you’re carrying my children.”

She shrugged. “I’m sure he won’t really care, Ben.” She muttered. “He just wanted me as a way to pass the time.”

His anger rose and he silently vowed to beat the moron to within an inch of his life after everything was over with. The only reason he wouldn’t take that last inch is because Anara would be upset by it. “You shouldn’t upset yourself.” He said. “I’m sorry that I brought it up.”

She shook her head and looked up at him again. “You should go. They’re going to start wondering why you’re down here with me. You have a cover to maintain.” She told him.

He straightened and put his helmet back on. “Don’t let them take you anywhere if I’m not here.” He told her.

She nodded at him. “I love you.” She whispered.

He rested his forehead against the door for a brief moment. “I love you too, Ana.”

* * *

He turned and walked away, meeting with Finn who had been standing down the hallway.

“So… A kid, huh?” He asked as they traversed the halls.

Ben swallowed around the lump in his throat. “Two.” He said simply.

Finn turned his head sharply to look at him. “Two?! Shit.”

Ben nodded his head once to show that he agreed with him. “I have been summoned to speak with the Supreme Leader. You will return to the cell block where they’re keeping them and watch over her and the Mandalorian. If anyone tries anything, you kill them and run. You’ll take her to the Resistance.” He commanded.

Finn nodded. “Be careful.” He said, surprising himself as he turned and headed back to where they had left Anara and Jo.

Ben steeled himself for the interaction with Snoke, comforted by the warmth still lingering in the Force.

* * *

He arrived in the throne room alone, walking towards Snoke while tamping down his seething hatred for the Sith Lord. It was bad enough that he had tried to kill Anara when he had first brought her on the ship, but to know what he wanted with her the whole time…

“Your anger at me will not help them, Ren.” He said by way of greeting, watching as his apprentice went down on a knee.

“I am not angry with you, master.” He lied, bowing his head to him.

Snoke stared him down for a few moments. “Is that so? Where is your anger placed then, apprentice?”

“The Jedi… She… She had me believe that she could be swayed to the Dark Side, and she has betrayed me.”

Snoke sat back on his throne, drumming his fingers on the armrest. “Is that so? Well she can be easily dealt with once she is no longer of use to us.” He told him, smiling wickedly at the bright burst of anger he felt from the apprentice. “No?”

“Perhaps she just needs time, master. With the children—”

Snoke sat forward. “So, you’ve also been made aware.” He stated. “Good. Then I don’t have to hide my knowledge of it from you.”

“No, master… I know that she is pregnant. She revealed it to me during the siege against the Resistance. In an attempt to save her friends.”

Snoke watched him as he admitted it. “And you think that you can use the lives of the children to bring her to the Dark Side with you?”

Kylo nodded. “I do. If she thinks that there is Light in me to bargain with, or if she thinks that there is a chance to save the children.”

Snoke leaned back again as he listened. “She was coming to the Dark before you took the saber from her.” He told him. “The tie that was being cultivated was severed when it was removed from her.”

He tightened his hands into fists at his side, that’s what was making her act so strangely. “She is a traitor, master. I can’t just give her back a weapon.”

“No… I suppose you’re right.” He said with a sigh. “I don’t think that your little plan will work either now that she has shown her true allegiance.” He sounded bored with the topic. “I want the children. Once they have arrived, I will have no more use for her.” He said simply. “If you can turn her to the Dark before then, I may allow her to stay with you, but if she doesn’t…”

He nodded. “Yes, master.” He said, standing. “I will take care of her myself.”

Snoke smiled wickedly. “Good.”

* * *

Anara watched Ben leave until she couldn’t see him any longer. She walked over to the cot, sitting and crossing her legs.

She closed her eyes and let herself sink into the silent darkness of her mind.

She felt a breeze on her face, the fresh scent of trees and the light sprinkle of dew drops falling from the trees. She smiled at the feeling, letting the warmth from the sun breaking through the canopy of trees warm her.

“Anara?” She heard, opening her eyes and standing.

She grinned at the group standing in front of her in shock. “You made it.” She said, hugging Aiden against her will. “Stars, I thought they were going to take you.”

“How did you get here?” She asked incredulously.

She took a breath. “I’m not. Not really. I need to speak to the General, and Poe… Where are they?”

Aiden hurried them towards the small area where they had set up the command center. “General! Commander!” She called.

Anara stopped just on the periphery when she saw Poe standing there.

“ _Amada_.” He said instantly, ignoring everything to walk over and put his arms around her.

She hugged him back tightly. “I don’t have time, Poe.” She said softly. “Soon.” She whispered.

He squeezed her tighter for a moment. “I’m sorry.” He responded.

She pulled away to look at the General. “General Organa… I’ve failed.” She told her. “I’ve been imprisoned… Ben and Finn are both still undercover and intact.” She told her.

Leia sighed. “If you’ve been found out, it’s only a matter of time before they are too.”

She shook her head. “They can still do this. I’ve planned an escape to keep their covers, but I will need the coordinates.”

Poe shifted where he was still standing beside her. “I’ll meet you.”

She looked at him. “There’s more…”

Leia looked at her, smiling knowingly. “We can discuss that when you arrive, Major.” She said.

Anara laughed. “I’m no longer a Major, General… If you remember, you’ve had me court marshalled.”

Leia laughed in return. “I think that you’ve learned your lesson. Come home.” She told her.

Anara nodded and turned to Poe, reaching up to cup his cheek. “Meet me at the Trani Station above Myta.” She told him, looking to the lightsaber on his belt. “That looks good on you.”

He gave her a lopsided smirk. “I’m only holding it for my fiancée.”

She shook her head at him. “Hopeless.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Title from The Crow and The Butterfly by Shinedown
> 
> Sorry it's taking forever for this story to update my friends!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading and I hope that you enjoy!
> 
> This work has been largely unbeta'd so please be kind if you find an error. (I don't mind constructive criticism, but please don't be mean.)
> 
> I do like comments so if you have any please feel free to leave them!


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